News & Politics

Extinction Rebellion: Saving the Planet by Making You Late for Work

People with the group "Extinction Rebellion" block traffic on 13th St NW in Washington in a demonstration urging climate action, Monday, Sept. 23, 2019, in Washington, part of the 'Shut Down DC' protest for action on the climate crisis. (AP Photo/Jacquelyn Martin)

There’s a lot to like about capitalism, but it has its downsides. For example, capitalism affords many, many people the leisure time to complain about… capitalism! It frees them up from scrabbling for survival, and gives them time to feel guilty about not having to scrabble for survival. It encourages the development of institutions of higher learning, where young people can be indoctrinated in previously unknown disciplines like “climate justice.” And it gives them the technology to broadcast their delusions to the entire globe. The result: the mass temper tantrum known as Extinction Rebellion.

It’s been six months since those climate-change kiddies did anything dumb enough for me to mock. But as always, there’s no better way to convince working people that you’re serious about climate change than to interfere with their ability to make a living. That’s why Extinction Rebellion is blocking traffic and shutting down airports and otherwise making a nuisance of themselves.

There’s a time to stand up for what you believe in. And then there’s a time to do… whatever this is.

Don’t let anybody tell you today’s young people aren’t grounded! But seriously, I think they’re imitating a field of grass, if a field of grass was blindingly white.

And older folks are getting in on the fun serious sociopolitical commentary too. If you still doubt that the planet is doomed, perhaps this gentleman’s boldly iconoclastic interpretive dance will change your mind:

I know, right?

But here’s an important question nobody seems to be asking: While all these people are out in the street saving the planet, who’s taking care of all their cats?

Keep up the good work, Extinction Rebellion. You’re definitely raising awareness that you’re a pack of idiots.

P.S. Note to self: Take off backpack before gluing hand to road.