News & Politics

Did Joe Biden Get a Facelift?

Democratic presidential candidate former Vice President Joe Biden speaks at the Iowa Federation of Labor convention, Wednesday, Aug. 21, 2019, in Altoona, Iowa. (AP Photo/Charlie Neibergall)

Whenever I see pictures or video of Joe Biden early in his political career, I always wonder how he got his hair to grow back. Back then, he was bald, but now he’s not! Some wingnut conspiracy theorists claim he got hair plugs — they even call him “Plugs” — but I’m skeptical. His flowing locks just look so lush and lustrous and vibrant. They’ve gotta be real, right?

Similarly, I’m suspicious of this next item. Joseph Simonson, Washington Examiner:

The scars on the sides of Democratic front-runner Joe Biden’s face are the result of a facelift carried out before he launched his 2020 presidential campaign, according to leading cosmetic surgeons.

Up close, large vertical scars beginning at the top of the outside of his ear canal to roughly a half inch below the lobe can be seen on both sides of the former vice president’s face…

“Oh he’s had a facelift, there’s no question,” said leading New York-based cosmetic surgeon Dr. Arthur Perry, who is also an associate adjunct professor at Columbia Medical School.

Oh, come on. You’re telling me this isn’t all Joe?

That’s just nature, man. Don’t hate him because he’s beautiful.

Dr. Perry also claims you can see beard hair growing out of Biden’s ears, indicating that the skin was pulled up. Or maybe he just has really hairy ears? That can happen to an older fella.

But even if it’s true, even if Joe Biden is mostly store-bought from the neck up, who cares? As a wise man once said, it is better to look good than to feel good. And Joe Biden looks mah-velous.

Besides, it could be worse. If Joe really wanted to hide his wrinkles, he could’ve covered them up by going full blackface. And he wouldn’t think of it as racist, because one of his best friends is black. But nobody who aspires to become a world leader could be that dumb.