News & Politics

Al Sharpton Swoops in to Save Baltimore from Trump

Al Sharpton seen at 2016 Essence Festival at the Ernest N. Morial Convention Center on Saturday, July 2, 2016, in New Orleans. (Photo by [Amy Harris/Invision/AP)

This weekend, the citizens of Baltimore got the worst news possible: President Trump had tweeted something unflattering about their fair city.

Fortunately, the Democrats know what to do. When Trump says something, that means the opposite is true. No matter what the opposite might be. So now Baltimore is good, and the city doesn’t have the problems Trump claims it has. Somebody made an entire documentary about the rat problem in Baltimore, but now it doesn’t matter because that would mean Trump is right about something.

And because Elijah Cummings is black, and Baltimore is majority black, this is good news for grifters who make their living by accusing people of racism.

That’s your cue, Rev. Al!

What would Baltimore do without Rev. Al running to the nearest TV camera?

And of course, now we have this too:

Is any of that true? It doesn’t matter, because Trump is the one saying it. That’s how it works. That’s what it means to be a Democrat in 2019. Baltimore’s problems, or anybody else’s problems, are less important than using every possible opportunity to #own the other side.

And journalism means publishing headlines like this:

Trump and Sharpton are more alike than they are different, and this benefits both of them. They both get cheers from their die-hard fans, and jeers from the people they’re trolling in the first place. It’s a win/win for both of them. So now everybody gets to yell at each other — which is the point of everything we do in 2019 — and these two old con artists continue to profit from it.

Must be Monday.