News & Politics

Move Over Happy Meals: Burger King Now Offers 'Pissed Meals'

Lots of people eat fast food when they’re depressed. All those carbs cheer them up for a minute, until they remember how fat they are. Finally, a burger joint is catering directly to sad, mopey people who are too numb to care.

This exists now:

Get it? Because McDonald’s has Happy Meals. McDonald’s is trying to tell you how to feel, but Burger King is listening to your feelings. Or something.

At least we don’t need to watch any of those people eating Burger King. The ad is depressing enough already.

This kind of reminds me of OK Soda, which was Coca-Cola’s early ’90s attempt to cater to disaffected young people. I was one of them, and it didn’t work, but at least it was kind of funny. This is just weird.

Burger King is doing this in partnership with a non-profit group called Mental Health America, which put out a press release because that’s what ya do:

BURGER KING® restaurants understands (sic) that no one is happy all the time. Today they are launching new boxes, dubbed Real Meals, which come in a variety of different moods – including the Pissed Meal, Blue Meal, Salty Meal, YAAAS Meal and DGAF Meal. The boxes, which will also have MHA’s logo included, can be ordered with the purchase of a WHOPPER® meal, which includes the flame-grilled WHOPPER® sandwich, plus French fries and a drink…

I really don’t want to eat something called a “Pissed Meal.” It sounds like the final challenge in a fraternity initiation.

With the Real Meals campaign, the BURGER KING® brand believes encouraging people to “be their way” and “feel their way.” With Real Meals, the BURGER KING® brand celebrates being yourself and feeling however you want to feel.

To think, this whole time I’ve been going to Wendy’s and Taco Bell, letting them manipulate my emotions. Letting them try to cheer me up. “Enjoy your meal, sir. Have a nice day!” Yeah, what if I don’t wanna have a nice day? Ever think about that? I don’t want to feel better. I want some Burger King!

Let’s hope more brands prey on the mentally ill like this. I can’t wait for Frito-Lay to introduce It’s Cool to Not Be Cool Ranch Doritos.