News & Politics

Talk S*** About AOC and Get Flushed by David Corn

David Corn, Washington bureau chief for Mother Jones magazine, is the only journalist named after a vegetable commonly found embedded in feces. That’s why so many stupid right-wingers keep mocking him with poop jokes. I know Corn is tired of this crap, which is why I’m upset that his critics have found a whole new opening.

As we all know, the purpose of journalism is to protect members of the Democratic Party. The more strenuously you defend them, the better you are at journalism and the more awards you get. Corn is simply the best, better than all the rest. No matter where he goes, he’s always on the lookout for slights and slurs against his beloved Democrats. And no Democrat in 2019 is more beloved than Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez. She is Corn’s Khaleesi. His devotion to AOC is absolute, and he will abide no slight to her eminence.

Even while he’s taking a dump.

As you can see, intrepid journalist David Corn is never off the clock. He’s always on…

( •_•)>⌐■-■


Now, I’m not a journalist, so I probably wouldn’t know what to do if I witnessed such a hate crime. I probably wouldn’t have the presence of mind to do what Corn did and tweet out the important news to his 700,000 followers, making sure to alert @AOC, the target of the unknown vandal’s unknown insult. This is life in Trump’s America, people. You can’t even use an airport restroom in Arizona without running into right-wing propaganda!

And because this is 2019, the Phoenix airport caught, um, wind of Corn’s discovery. What happened next was the stuff of journalism legend.

Of course, the usual suspects are criticizing Corn’s efforts to wipe away all residue of this disgusting mess.

For whatever it’s worth, I don’t think David Corn is making this up. I believe that he believes this is very important.

Here it is. Prepare yourself:

The Cornspiracy goes all the way to the bottom!

Speaking as a cuck RINO traitor who probably wanted Hillary to get elected, I think the #Resistance needs a vacation. We’ve got about 97 trillion news cycles to go before the 2020 election, and at this rate they’re going to burn themselves out.

I don’t mean to tell you how to do your jobs, journos, but if you see some bathroom graffiti that insults a politician you have an emotional investment in, you’re under no professional obligation to tell the whole world about it. As urgent as it may seem, as much as it hurts inside, you don’t have to spew it out all over the place.

Get your $#!+ together.