News & Politics

Hillary Clinton Is History

Hillary Clinton Is History
President Hillary Clinton, seen here performing her signature "I point, they die" gesture. (AP Photo/Charles Krupa)

Hillary Clinton is a historic figure for a number of reasons. She’s the first Clinton to lose a presidential election. She’s the first woman Bill Clinton ever decided he didn’t want to have sex with. She’s the only first lady to dodge gunfire from snipers that don’t exist. She’s the only woman to try to stand in the way of the first black POTUS. She’s the first secretary of State to use YouTube as an excuse for her own incompetence. She’s the only defeated presidential candidate to be eulogized on SNL. The list of Hillary’s remarkable achievements goes on and on. But now, it seems that some of those sexist, misogynist, patriarchal woman-haters out there want us all to forget how excruciatingly close Hillary came to shattering the glass ceiling. They want to erase her from the history books. Literally!

Associated Press:

The Texas Board of Education has voted to restore Hillary Clinton to history curriculum standards — a surprising reversal that came after Republican members said they had heard from members of the public angry she’d been edited out.

The preliminary vote Tuesday night overturns the board’s vote in September to cut the former senator, secretary of state and 2016 presidential candidate from new, streamlined academic standards taught to the state’s roughly 5.4 million students.

Apparently, it was Republican members of the board who decided Hillary should be cut from the curriculum. Which makes sense. If kids aren’t taught about the massive, entirely avoidable blunder the Democrats made in 2016, those kids might grow up to make the same mistake all over again. Decades from now, they might nominate another Hillary Clinton-type figure. And that would be good for the Republicans.

So I’m glad these guys aren’t being allowed to erase Hillary’s astonishing failure from our shared history. Teach our children, and our children’s children, for generations to come. Tell them what happened to Hillary, and to the people who trusted her. Let the name “Hillary” become synonymous with “shameful, agonizing defeat.”

Hey, you know who didn’t learn anything from Hillary’s humiliating loss? Hillary! Well, probably.

Caitlin Oprysko, Politico:

Two-time Democratic presidential candidate Hillary Clinton will mount a third bid for the White House, longtime Clinton adviser Mark Penn wrote in an op-ed published Sunday by The Wall Street Journal, predicting that the former first lady and secretary of state is readying a “Hillary 4.0” campaign for 2020.

Way to test the waters, guys. I’m sure Hillary 4.0 will be different than Hillary 3.0, which was of course a whole new and improved Hillary after Hillary 2.0. She just keeps getting better and better, and the rest of us just can’t handle it. The only possible explanation for her continued failure is endemic cultural misogyny. Right?

I hope she does run again. (Or I suppose it would be more of a stumble than a run.) Not because I want to Trump to beat her again, or because I want her to beat Trump. I didn’t want either thing to happen in 2016. No, I hope Hillary Clinton runs for president again because it’s what we deserve.

We had our chance, America. For the past decade now, we’ve been presented with flawed-but-decent candidates and we’ve turned them down. They weren’t perfect, so they were no good. And now, the second-worst thing that could’ve possibly happened has happened. If everybody wants to try again and make things as bad as they can possibly be, I say… fine. Why not?

This isn’t a world where the opinions of people like me matter anymore, if they ever did. Some say the definition of insanity is trying the same thing over and over, expecting a different result. But to me, that just sounds like America.

Hillary 2020: We’ve Got It Coming!

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