News & Politics

Will Phony Betomania Bite the Dust?

Remember when libs got really excited about Jon Ossoff? You haven’t forgotten that guy yet, possibly. He’s the Democrat who ran for Congress last year in a special election in Georgia. Ossoff attracted fans all over the country, from New York to L.A. to… well, mainly New York and L.A. Not so much in Georgia, unfortunately. Endorsements from heavy hitters like Alyssa Milano and Mark Ruffalo just weren’t enough to get him elected.

Although Ossoff did stick around long enough to make my favorite political ad of all time. It’s my favorite because I don’t have to listen to a politician’s voice as he’s lying to me:

Plus, I just love the knowing glare he gives the camera after “sending” each “tweet.” Adorable!

Now, Ossoff didn’t really run against the Republican who ended up winning, whose name I defy you to conjure up without Googling it. No, Ossoff ran against Trump. A vote for Ossoff was supposed to be a vote against Orange Hitler. The Democrats tried to tap into the seething fury so many libs felt after losing in 2016. This was their chance to strike back! But as with all their other botched revenge schemes since Hillary failed them, Ossoff’s loss only made them angrier.

One year and another Supreme Court justice later, and a thousand miles away, furious libs have found a new youthful cipher they can project all their hopes and dreams onto. It seems unlikely that Robert Francis “Beto” O’Rourke will beat Texas Senator Ted Cruz on November 6, but it won’t be for a lack of effort among Beto’s primary constituents: the press.

I’d point you to a glowing media profile of the sweaty liberal icon, but there are too many of them to count. Since you started reading this sentence, four or five more “Beto Is Awesome” pieces have been published. Reporters keep finding reasons to love him, because the alternative is to accept another inevitable loss. C’mon, they don’t want people thinking they like the Republicans, do they? They all saw what happened to Kanye!

Here’s a perfect encapsulation of Beto Worship Syndrome, courtesy of ABC “reporter” Paula Faris:

“You’re a rock star! No, you really are!” Well, that would explain the drunken car crash.

This image just about sums it up:

If that idolatry isn’t fawning enough for you, here are couple more symptoms of the rapidly spreading Betomania from the past few days:

Wow, that’s… that’s really something. Until now, I never really understood #CancelWhitePeople. Between the Village People and Grease, I guess it makes sense that Beto fans are stuck in the Carter era.

The conventional wisdom seems to be that O’Rourke’s doomed campaign is just a warmup for a presidential run in 2020. That would explain all the ridiculous fawning among our moral, ethical, and intellectual betters in the press. Beto could be their latest instrument of revenge.

Why not? My sense is that Trump is going to stomp whoever the Dems throw out there. But then, I didn’t think Trump was going to win in 2016, so what do I know? Why not Beto? He’s pretty much the perfect Democrat candidate. He has the Irish heritage of a Kennedy, with slightly better driving skills. He’s much more successful at appropriating a cultural identity than his fellow 2020 contender Elizabeth Warren. (He’s actually got these dummies convinced he’s more Hispanic than half-Cuban “white guy” Ted Cruz!) Plus, he can stay on a skateboard longer than any president since FDR. And ask yourself this: Was even Obama cool enough to be in a middling punk band?

Don’t give up hope, Dems. It’ll be different next time. This awkward, privileged white person won’t disappoint you. #Beto2020!