I’ve been around for a while now, and I’ve been witness to some pretty grim and frightening things in my time. Riots. Terrorism. Politically motivated assassination attempts. Ghostbusters (2016). I thought I’d seen it all. But nothing — nothing — could’ve prepared me for what I’m about to show you. I’m reluctant to even share this with you, Dear Reader, but it’s necessary. Mere words cannot describe the horror of this scene. You need to see it for yourself.
This is important.
“Wolf, just to give you a sense as to what’s happening right now. You can hear, there is a chorus of boos and other chants in this Trump crowd here in Tampa, Florida. They’re saying things like, ‘CNN sucks,’ ‘Go home,’ and ‘Fake news.’ Wolf, obviously, all of those things are false. We’re staying right here. We’re gonna do our job and report on this rally to all of our viewers here tonight, Wolf.”
“As you should.”
Did you just sit up a little straighter, my friend? Did your heart beat just a little faster? Never before has journalism witnessed such a hero. Never before has one man leapt into battle with such steely resolve. Move over, Ernie Pyle.
CNN’s Jim Acosta struck a brave and defiant tone there in the face of such harrowing danger, but afterward, he was more contemplative. Later that evening, he took a moment to mourn what we’ve lost as a nation:
One of the surprising things I heard tonight in Tampa is Trump supporters saying I should be on their team. Anybody remember when we were all on the same team? I do.
— Jim Acosta (@Acosta) August 1, 2018
I know, right? Back in the old days, before Orange Hitler became president even though Hillary won the popular vote, all Americans were on the same team. I remember this because Jim Acosta reported it.
“Did the Tea Party take this town hostage?” That’s the sound of one team member talking to some other team members.
Acosta yells at the president a lot these days, but that’s only because they’re on different teams ever since Hillary lost. Back when everybody was on the same team, yelling at the president was bad:
Like many journalists in America, Don Lemon was not pleased with Daily Caller heckler Neil Munro‘s decision to start shouting at the President in the middle of the announcement of his new immigration measure. On his program last night, Lemon went after Munro for his “hissy fit” before the President and asked his boss, Tucker Carlson, to explain how he could be “proud” of Munro’s behavior. Lemon then took it a step further, asking how Carlson would have felt being heckled during his brief stint on “Dancing with the Stars.”
As you’ll recall, Don Lemon said these things because everybody was on the same team. That’s why the whole team had to pile on the guy who angered our Dear Leader.
And remember this bit of teamwork? Remember how we were all on the same team on this one?
I’m sure there are many more examples of the old days when we were all on the same team, but you get the idea.
If you’re a CNN employee and you’re sad and angry that we’re not all on the same team anymore, you can rest assured that it has absolutely nothing to do with you. All these Trump voters are yelling at you and calling you names for no reason whatsoever. It’s also a coincidence that you’re getting beaten in the ratings by pretty much everything else on TV.
But maybe CNN can turn this around. Have they considered getting even louder and more shrill? Maybe everybody would start liking CNN if they were even bigger A-holes every single day. It’s worth a try, isn’t it?