News & Politics

#MeToobin Gets Mockworthy: CNN's Brian Stelter Claims It Was an 'Accident'

Photo by Evan Agostini/Invision/AP, File

After Jeffrey Toobin’s Zoom-in became national news, many posted this classic clip from Seinfeld.

That was the Twitterverse and the rest of the digital world being sarcastic, sharing a light moment in a heavy year.

Because, clearly, flogging the bishop live during what was supposed to be a professional stretching of the election dog, a rehearsal in lieu of the real thing, if you will, is wrong. About this, there should be no debate. The New Yorker’s finest were wargaming the erection, sorry, the election, when Jeffrey Toobin took his tube out.

He should not have done that. It was wrong.

The New Yorker and Toobin’s other outlet, CNN, both suspended him for it.

Apparently, he needs another, um, outlet.

When I first wrote about Toobin popping the cork while his colleagues were handling other business, I almost included a line predicting that CNN would let Toobin back on the air as quickly as he dropped his shorts, because he’s on the team.

I should have kept that line in.

CNN star Jeffrey Toobin is taking “time off” after he was suspended by the New Yorker magazine for allegedly masturbating during a Zoom call with his colleagues. However, insiders at the cable network suggest that its chief legal analyst will “probably” return to the air after the scandal exits the headlines.


…despite the incident being “embarrassing” and “humiliating” for CNN, the insider told Fox News that Toobin is “one of the biggest faces on the network” and “too valuable of a commodity” to let go.

CNN can’t find another gasbag lawyer who’ll consistently and without fail carry water for the Democrats? Seriously? Washington is crawling with them. They’re in every bar, under every bench, and in every subway station. Smack a tree and four of them fall out of it. Swing a stick in that swamp and you’ll hit half a dozen Jeffrey Toobins, but the others are more likely to keep their hands off their family jewels when Zooming.

Maybe that’s not what CNN wants.

CNN’s Brian Stelter doesn’t see what the fuss is.

“Jeffrey Toobin has been sidelined at a pivotal moment in the run-up to the presidential election. The reason: He exposed himself during a Zoom call with New Yorker colleagues in what he says was an accident. Here’s our full story,” Stelter tweeted with a link to his CNN article about the controversy.


Literally laughing out loud. CNN purports to be a news network — it’s right there in the name! Cable News Network.

But you can’t even rely on it to get straight to the uncovered point, right to the meat (and two veggies) of the story.

As for Mr. Toobin and his future behind the Erection Desk, CNN would be wise to ask the New Yorker to check its Zoom account settings. Did their account have recording turned on by default? If so, it wasn’t the only thing that was turned on, so to speak.

If there’s a recording, well, it’s going to leak right at the climax of this whole thing.

And was the Zoom session routed through China?

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