News & Politics

Seattle's CHAZ Gains First Feudal Warlord, Takes Steps to Become Rogue State

Twitter screenshot, @sluttypuppytown. Used by @MrAndyNgo.

When last we left CHAZ, the Capitol Hill Autonomous Zone in Seattle—which wants you to know that it is not the U.S.A.—its residents had suffered a major setback. Homeless people CHAZ invited over for dinner swiped all their food.

CHAZ is a secessionist urban micro-state with no farms or ranches (they’re vegan anyway) so it cannot feed itself.

It’s also firmly against the police. One of its demands to Seattle’s mayor is to defund the police or resign.

Power abhors a vacuum. Into the vacuum created by the absence of law enforcement in CHAZ has stepped a warlord.

It all started with graffiti. It ended with a struggle for power, not against The Man, but a man who could whip the behind of every other man around. Such is feudalism. Now CHAZ has an unaccountable force that they don’t want to call the police because they’re against police. And whatever this crew is, they’re not police. Their warlord’s name is Raz Simone, and according to CHAZ insiders he and his crew are “self-appointed, heavily armed, has indicated their intention to police the area, and has engaged in the use of force.” OceanBliss guesses Raz has assumed power because “he has all the guns.” Mao couldn’t have said it better himself. CHAZ’s Great Leap Forward is really a pretty big step backward.

CHAZ demand #15: “We demand autonomy be given to the people to create localized anti-crime systems.”

How’s that working out for ya?

The secessionists are budding segregationists too. Demand 1 under Health and Human Services: “We demand the hospitals and care facilities of Seattle employ black doctors and nurses specifically to help care for black patients.”

CHAZ is moving forward with other plans. It has its own subreddit, and there, one of its dear leaders posted a note about the micro-state’s chemical weapons program. Reddit quickly took this post down, but not before Andy Ngo snapped it.

They’re also talking about organized theft. Can that be considered racketeering?

CHAZ should be advised, the use of chemical weapons is a war crime under the Geneva Conventions. But in its list of demands, CHAZ demands the cessation of all use of armed forces. Chemical weapons are weapons too. They’re just illegal and a state that possesses them is subject to sanctions and invasion to remove them.

The anarchist state that has erected borders is also seeking to stockpile gasoline to power generators it intends to acquire to use in the event of a power cutoff. CHAZ cannot build or buy the generators, so it will most likely steal them. CHAZ has no power stations or any other means of generating electricity, which it needs to post on Reddit. And operate the drones it wishes to use to fly water in.

Questions about the efficacy of using drones to carry water aside, gasoline is a fossil fuel derived from oil. That oil was probably fracked hard right out of the ground.

The use of gasoline indicates a flat rejection of the Green New Deal. CHAZ is now more mainstream than Joe Biden on the subject of fossil fuels.

While CHAZ lacks the basic things it needs to sustain itself, America has plenty of everything — including popcorn.

Seattle’s Autonomous Anarchist Zone Learns a Hilarious Lesson About Theft