Johnny Depp Appearance in Rihanna Amazon Special Causing Hilarious Meltdown in #MeToo Circles

(Photo by Vianney Le Caer/Invision/AP, File)

Just mentioning Johnny Depp’s name in some circles online can cause epic meltdowns. There is still a faction of #MeToo true believers who want us all to believe that Amber “Turd” Heard was actually the victim even though Depp is the one with the missing finger, hospital records, and audio tapes of Heard admitting to battering him regularly.


Team Heard is still mind-numbingly loyal to a woman who hurled vodka bottles at her husband, bashed his head with a door, screamed at him on tape for hours, and, incredibly, left feces on his bed like a psycho killer. This woman still has defenders!

There is zero evidence that Depp is a “wife-beater.” The defamation case proved it. There is lots of evidence, however, that Heard is a husband-beater. Rihanna has experience as a domestic assault victim. She was beaten black and blue by Chris Brown. During the Depp trial, many of us pointed out that when a woman gets repeatedly punched in the face as Heard said she was, she looks more like Rihanna and less like she had an angry pimple she squeezed too hard. Many victims of domestic assault reached out to PJ Media at that time and sent us photos of their broken noses, which didn’t look anything like what Heard claimed was a broken nose. They all looked like Rihanna after tangling with Brown.

RELATED: EXPOSED! Amber Heard’s Terrible, Awful, No Good Day in Court That Revealed 5 More Lies

So, it seems like an obvious conclusion that Rihanna would reach out to another domestic abuse victim like Depp, who suffered millions of dollars of losses when he was falsely accused by Heard in the press, to be in her new Amazon project. Rihanna makes clothes now called Savage X Fenty. The clothing has oft been described as a “less problematic” Victoria’s Secret—whatever that means. The preview released on Amazon for Depp’s appearance got some good feedback from the female population.


I watched some of the episode where Depp appears (episode 1 Volume 4) to get the gist of it. It’s what I would describe as 10% fashion show and 90% music video where people wear next to nothing and pretend to have sex with each other, themselves, some trees, and the occasional shrubbery. Louis C.K. should make the next cameo and do that thing he does with plants. He’d fit right in.

In the scene starring Depp, he cooly saunters between some trees, sometimes smiling and sometimes smoldering to lyrics sung by someone I don’t know who croons, “Ain’t nobody dope as me, I’m just so fresh and clean,” wearing what looks like oversized satin pajamas (thankfully he’s not in a thong) and his signature jewelry. He looks much different than he did in court. Gone is the bleached out hair and the worried brow. He looks more like himself with his natural brown hair, having shed several pounds (on top of Amber’s dead weight), with a saucy—mustache? Goatee? What do you call that facial hair configuration? Pirate-stache? The ladies dig it.

The products that Rihanna is selling—sportswear, underwear, lingerie (most of which look extremely difficult to get into for anyone who is over thirty and not a contortionist, with straps and buckles and fishnets)—are selling out. This is quite the marketing plan. Release a fashion show hour long “episode” on Amazon Prime with links to everything everyone is wearing on the Amazon store. As soon as the show is over you can click over and buy something you saw. Well, sort of. There’s a queue to get access to all the racy things that most people are going to look hilarious in. (And thankfully, they put those people in them for the ads. I can’t breathe—and neither can they!)


I would say don’t watch the Savage X Fenty show because it’s pretty trashy with a whole lot of twerking and debauchery, but it’s also kind of hilarious. The longer I watched it the harder I laughed. There’s the fat acceptance models jiggling and the boys in dresses voguing, and I don’t think there’s a white person in the bunch until Johnny shows up. There’s every type of woke trope you could think of and they’re all in their underwear, rolling around grunting and panting and humping each other silly. There’s no way these people actually enjoy sex, I don’t think. They spend all their time pretending to be sexpots and then they probably go home to their cats and a pint of Ben and Jerry’s. It’s an absolute scream.

One of the songs is, “We don’t make babies, but we practice.” For real. That’s the name of the song by some unfortunate woman named Anitta, who will be approaching menopause sooner than she thinks and will probably regret that. Worse than the idea that sex has become so separated from biological function is the outright brainwashing of it all. The message is very clear: “Babies are bad. Don’t make those! But do the sex. We can control you with the sex. But if you have the babies, then you might find out what’s important and get mad at the people pushing all the sex on everyone all the time and stop listening to us. So VOTE FOR ABORTION!”


RELATED: Eyewitness Says Johnny Depp Was ‘Cowering’ and ‘Afraid’ of Amber Heard

It’s all so transparent. Aren’t we tired of this yet? Every time I see Rihanna I try to find something to like about her because Camille Paglia just adores her for some reason and I think, Camille is so brilliant. I must be missing it! And so I search and search and try to find something redeemable about Rihanna and all I can come up with is: at least she gave Johnny a job. Everything else she does is cultural death.

There’s just nothing left to do but laugh at the absolute idiocracy of it all. If you like absurdity, you might actually love this series. So tune in (but wait till the kids are in bed because this is definitely not for the under 18 crowd). Johnny’s spot is the least offensive and I’m happy for him that he was probably paid a big chunk of change to just walk around looking suave. Good for him. He deserves to be back on the screen where he does his best work—weird that it’s in a lingerie orgy show but, whatever. I give up. Send the asteroid, Lord.


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