Buckle up and pack a sandwich: This headline will make sense in, oh, about six minutes. (Times and distances are approximations; your mileage may vary.)
But first, a quote:
There are three things all wise men fear: the sea in storm, a night with no moon, and the anger of a gentle man.”
—Patrick Routhfuss, “The Wise Man’s Fear”
Liberals, quite naturally, consider themselves highly enlightened, “gentle” men and women womyn. Unlike those knuckle-dragging, semi-evolved halfwits in Flyover Country — with their repulsive pickup trucks, crucifixes, and the UFC — liberals are good, decent, gentle people. Nay, the BEST people!
Liberalism itself is proof-positive of their superior moral pedigree.
It’s a baffling mindset for conservatives, because we don’t see liberals the way they see themselves. To the rest of the nation, they’re whiny, insufferable scolds with a bloodlust for socialism — bitter, angry, anti-American blowhards.
But when liberals look in the mirror, they see this:
It helps explain the rise of Gov. Gavin Newsom (D-Calif.). In case you missed it, he’s having a moment. The mainstream media has showered him with candy, flowers, and damning praise:
The Hill: Newsom’s Trump act wins raves from Democrats
Politico: How Gavin Newsom trolled his way to the top of social media
The Independent: Gavin Newsom is expertly trolling Fox News stars by mimicking Trump online — right down to the nicknames
Yahoo: Gov. Newsom takes a page from Trump’s playbook
Esquire: Gavin Newsom Is Going Full Trump-Mode, but It’s Actually a Good Thing
The Hill: Swalwell: Newsom mimicking Trump social media style ‘a teaching moment’
Huffpost: Gavin Newsom Is Talking Like Trump — And It’s Infuriating The Right
Fast Company: Gavin Newsom’s Trump trolling is working. Here’s how we know
Newsweek: Gavin Newsom Gets Major Polling Boost After Trolling Onslaught of Trump
It marks a tonal shift for those kind, “gentle” souls on the left: It used to be that trolling was sinful and bad. After all, that’s what “literally Hitler” did.
Not anymore: Today, trolling is the key to fighting back!
We’ve reached the point when none other than The New York Times is welcoming South Park’s Cartman(!) to the anti-Trump “resistance.”
And in the process, they’re trying to sell trolling as something novel and original.
Most Americans will simply ignore Newsom’s trolling, because he’s about a decade too late. Brother, this is 2025: Trolling’s been done to death. Even Wendy’s did it! (And really well, too.) But among those who are actually paying attention, there will be two schools of thought:
Conservatives, moderates, and nonpartisans will find Newsom’s antics weird and kind of pathetic. Do something original, dude. He’s doing an Elvis impression — while the real Elvis is still alive!
If you give people a choice between an imitation and the genuine article, they’ll pick the genuine article every time. (Cue the Phyllis Schlafly quote about a “choice, not an echo.”)
But liberals will respond to Newsom with rapt applause. To them, they’re the “gentle man” who was pushed too far by that dastardly, villainous Trump.
They don’t see themselves as the NFL: No-Fun Liberals. Nor do they see themselves as screechy, race-obsessed contrarians. In their eyes, they’re the last good, decent, gentle souls on this planet. But with MAGA threatening to destroy America, it’s FINALLY time to fight fire with fire!
If that’s your worldview, Newsom’s X posts make more sense. His staff is cosplaying the social media fantasies of the left.
It’s probably a short-sighted strategy: Very few parody acts have staying power. Repeating the same stupid joke half-a-zillion times gets tedious.
But if the left is gonna double-down on trolling, let’s make ‘em play follow-the-leader. After all, we’re way BETTER at trolling than they are. And I’d like to begin with a liberal belief that’s utterly idiotic and demonstrably false yet has become an article of faith for leftists: The lie that Israel is committing “genocide” in Gaza.
[T] there is no “genocide” in Gaza. It doesn’t exist. It’s fictional — like werewolves, vampires, and moderate Palestinians.
First of all, there is no Palestinian gene. (Nor is there a Syrian gene or a Jordanian gene.) Historically, there’s never even been an independent Palestinian country. Liberals have manipulated the meaning of “genocide” so much, the word is meaningless.
At this point, it’s just another synonym for war.
Look, if you want to take the “gene” out of genocide and redefine it as the deliberate destruction of a national, ethnic, racial, or religious group… then what war isn’t genocide?
Historically, most wars are waged by one population pool against another. (Multiculturalism is a new phenomenon.) And furthermore, it almost always involved one side attempting to destroy the independent identity of the other. Wouldn’t Russia’s attempted annexation of Ukraine (where 77,633 people died in 2024 alone) come far closer to “genocide” than anything Israel is doing?
Furthermore, when you examine the numbers, it’s clear that there is no “genocide”:
Just as a thought experiment, let’s use the widely inflated stats from Hamas: approximately 60,000 dead Palestinians (including Hamas militants) out of a population of 2.3 million.
That’s a death rate of 2.61%.
Five years ago, liberals were predicting a COVID mortality rate higher than that! Yet that’s now “proof” of genocide?
Once again: 2.61% — and that’s including all the Hamas terrorists! If this is a “genocide,” it’s the most wildly inefficient genocide in history.
Meanwhile, the Gazan birthrate continues to explode: By some figures, a new baby is born in Gaza every 10 minutes!
This is a report from January of 2024:
The United Nations International Children’s Emergency Fund (UNICEF) has reported that 20,000 children have been born in the Gaza Strip since Israel launched its devastating genocidal war on 7 October, 2023, as conveyed by UNICEF communications expert Tess Ingram, in a statement in Geneva, Switzerland.
Ingram said that over the 105 days that the tension escalated in the Gaza Strip, about 20,000 babies were born into the atmosphere of war, noting that this means one baby is born every 10 minutes.
So, if 20,000 babies were born in the first 100-ish days of the war — and we’re now in day 680-ish — it’s entirely possible the population in Gaza is LARGER now than before this so-called “genocide” began!
This is the first “genocide” in world history that INCREASED the victim’s population! Ain’t that a kick in a keffiyeh?
Related: Meet the Three Democrats Who Murdered Ukraine
But this isn’t about truth and accuracy; this is about trolling. And if the liberals wanna insist that there’s a genocide, then fine. Let’s agree with ‘em: There IS a genocide in Gaza.
And Hamas is responsible for it.
In recent months, the percentages were even higher. According to UNOPS, in June, 1,155 trucks were collected by the UN and its partner organizations, and 1,048 of them — 90.7% — were intercepted before reaching their destinations. In July, the figure rose to 94%, with 1,161 trucks collected and 1,093 intercepted.
Folks, I promise you: It’s not the Jews who are stealing the food. Instead, the opposite is true: The Israelis and the Americans are the ones providing it.
Amidst the expansion of aid delivery efforts to Gaza, the U.S.- and Israel-backed Gaza Humanitarian Foundation announced that it had delivered 1.8 million meals on August 5 alone, bringing the total number of meals delivered to date to over 108 million.
So, if there really is a “genocide” going on — and if one side is providing HUNDREDS OF MILLIONS of free meals to civilians, whereas the other side is stealing 90% of the food and letting the people starve — then which side is guilty of genocide?
Sounds to me like the liberals are accusing the Gazans of heinous war crimes!
They sure won me over. Way to go, guys!
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