I know, I know. Who cares about Kim Kardashian? Well, I don’t and neither do you, but I am a Marilyn Monroe fan and I care about her and her memory. And even if you don’t care about her, you should care about the truth, which the corporate media is SHREDDING right now. I consider myself somewhat of an expert on Monroe. I own all of her movies in a beautiful box set that includes a mutli-part documentary. Marilyn Monroe will never be eclipsed as the quintessential Hollywood starlet. No one after her has even come close to capturing the world with her beauty and allure. No one.
And if I had to pick someone who came close, Kim Kardashian wouldn’t even make the top ten list with her grotesque body modifications that make her look like that mutilated fishing pole toy Legs from Sid’s basement in Toy Story.
I’ve been trying to ignore this story since it broke the night of the Met Gala but I can’t stay quiet anymore. Here’s the claim: Kim Kardashian wore the iconic dress Monroe wore the night she serenaded President John F. Kennedy with the infamous birthday song.
BALONEY. Hear me out:
Kim Kardashian is way too fat to fit into that dress.
I know she claims she lost 16 pounds on a crash diet to get into it. I don’t care. Maybe she did. But how do you “lose weight” in surgically altered areas like that ridiculous and obviously augmented tuchus (as Grandma Vicky used to say)? There is no way that ponderous duff isn’t stuffed with silicone, fillers, or implants (or a combination of all three). Yeah, she denies it. Do you believe her or your lying eyes?
The media wants you to believe that this woman fit into the other one's dress (that the original had to be sewn into). Gaslighting. Media lies. #MarilynMonroe #KimKardashian pic.twitter.com/Akcf5HrWza
— Megan Fox (@MeganFoxWriter) May 3, 2022
But let’s look at some facts and figures. Marilyn Monroe’s measurements are well-known and published. According to the Marilyn Monroe collection, which has cataloged her clothes over the years and measured them, in 1962 when Monroe sang to JFK her measurements were bust: 35.5″, waist: 23.5″, hips: 33.25″. On the night in question, Monroe had to be sewn into the dress because it was so form-fitting. She wobbled out onto the stage barely able to walk because of the tight fit.
Kim Kardashian’s measurements as reported by Celeb Health Magazine are bust: 38″, waist: 26, hips: 41. I’ve not seen her hip measurements reported any smaller than 39″. Being generous and going with 39″, where the hell do the other 6 inches go in a dress that is only 33 inches at its widest? And how did they get it over her mountainous caboose? They didn’t. This is a fake. I’m telling you this is not the way anyone handles a $5 million dress. You can hear it ripping and snagging as they force it over her behemoth backside. If I thought this was the real dress I’d be fainting in horror. But it’s not. Don’t believe the hype. (And there’s more proof after the video.)
It gets worse pic.twitter.com/jlXBLzIRL9
— Daisy is her name (@her_khumalo) May 4, 2022
The bust is too big
How is it that on the dress on Kardashian, the bodice is loose and not form-fitting at all? In fact, the bodice skims over Kardashian’s breasts and goes straight to her waist without curving around the bottoms of her breasts. Look at the profile in the second set of photos! This is impossible. Kardashian has a 38″ inch bust. Monroe’s was 35.5″. If Kardashian managed to squeeze into it, wouldn’t the bodice be as tight or tighter than it was on Monroe? Compare these photos. The original dress on Monroe was molded to her body without any gaping at all. My mother was an incredible seamstress. She designed and made beautiful gowns, and I have stood for hours as she pinned and hemmed and showed me how constructing a dress works. I don’t even have to ask her to know that this is not credible. It’s not the same dress. The tailoring is completely different in the bodices.
But Marilyn isn’t wearing a bra, you might say, which would account for the difference in fit. Okay, let’s go there. Marilyn notoriously went naked under that dress. Kardashian could have cups inserted into the bodice creating that bullet shape instead of the natural curve of her hooters. But if there are bullet-shaped bra cups in a 35.5″ bust, that would make the dress even tighter for a person with a 38″ bust. How does that math work? It doesn’t. You cannot make a 35.5″ bodice fit a 38″ bust. I’ve watched my mother tear apart enough seams in frustration to know this for a fact. It is impossible without enlarging the bodice.
Elle Woods voice: SHE DID IT!! #kimkardashian #MetGala2022 pic.twitter.com/sQ7oCAUWWA
— Danyell Peterson (@danyellpeterson) May 3, 2022
“The dress represents something very important,” says Cara Varnell, an independent conservator specializing in historic dress. “It’s part of our collective cultural heritage. I’m speechless over it.” https://t.co/kVIjfJZqI0 pic.twitter.com/jDCR9G1t3r
— Los Angeles Times (@latimes) May 4, 2022
The Kardashians are great at getting headlines.
You have to hand it to this family. They know how to work the press. Every outlet is freaking out over the treatment of this dress. The dramatic stretching, the alleged “tying it shut” over that huge derriere and covering it with a ratty fake fur: the Kardashians knew this would cause a huge outrage that would be plastered everywhere. And I tried to avoid it, I really did. But I had to break my silence and ask WHY AM I THE ONLY DAMN JOURNALIST WHO HAS POINTED OUT THE IMPOSSIBILITY AND IDIOCY OF THIS STORY?
Why is the mainstream press accepting this as true? This is a stunt. It is a cooked-up, manufactured, public relations prank and it worked like a charm. So calm down, everyone. That’s not a priceless dress. It was tailor-made to look like it, down to the detail of making it too small and staging that ridiculous video where they stuff her into it—and Ripley’s Believe it Or Not, which owns the real dress, is obviously in on the gag and laughing all the way to the bank.
Obviously, neither the Kardashians nor Ripley’s will ever admit this. These are all my opinions based on observations of mathematical impossibilities, sewing knowledge, and common sense. And anyone who can’t see it is suffering from media hypnosis. Wake up! It’s all a lie. (And not just this fake news distraction.)
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