When I first saw the post on X this morning, I thought for sure it was a joke. It had to be a joke, right? A deep fake, maybe? A troll? A spoof account?
I will be signing an Executive Order next week ending the ridiculous Biden push for Paper Straws, which don’t work. BACK TO PLASTIC!
— Donald J. Trump Posts From His Truth Social (@TrumpDailyPosts) February 7, 2025
Donald Trump Truth Social Post 10:12 AM EST 02/07/25
I mean, c'mon, sports fans. But sure enough, it was as legit as the day is long:
"I will be signing an Executive Order next week ending the ridiculous Biden push for Paper Straws, which don't work. BACK TO PLASTIC!" –President Donald J. Trump pic.twitter.com/VUua4pVSwT
— The White House (@WhiteHouse) February 7, 2025
If the White House posts it, I guess it's a thing. Of course, this was a plank in his platform during his first campaign. The website WION recalled a comment he made back then:
They want to ban straws. Has anyone tried those paper straws? They're not working too good. It disintegrates as you drink it, and if you have a nice tie like this tie, you've got no choice.
Fox News notes that states such as New York and California currently have laws on the books that limit the customer's ability to use a single-use plastic straw unless said customer makes a special request. Really? They make you beg for a plastic straw in California? I guess I shouldn't be surprised.
There is some speculation that Trump was referring to Biden's vow to rid federal agencies of single-use plastic straws, cups, and cutlery. Tough news for spork fans, if there are any.
My next thought was, "Is he really doing an executive order about plastic straws? THIS is going to be a part of the first 100 days?" After all, RFK Jr. and Tulsi Gabbard were headed for floor votes. Democrats were massing at the DOE like barbarians at the gate; DOGE has been uncovering one fiscal landmine after another, and he still has to build a Trump Tower and casino in Gaza. Oh, and the Democrats want to impeach him again. All right, maybe that last one is a little specious.
But the more I mulled it over, the more salient the move seemed. After all, I was the beneficiary of a Trump executive order during his first term.
Just kidding, that was created by Bryan Preston during my earlier days at PJ Media in response to my griping about workplace yoga at my day job. Attendance was not mandatory, but for the life of me, I couldn't figure out what yoga was doing in the workplace at all. I worked in a lumberyard in college. If I had told the yard boss that I needed time for workplace yoga, well, I don't even want to think about what the response would have been. Workplace yoga seemed... juvenile.
Over the previous four years, we have been incensed by high prices in the store and at the pump. We were furious over the Afghanistan withdrawal and the weaponization of the DOJ. We were outraged by the immigration crisis and the victimization of women and girls by proponents of the trans agenda.
But it was also, as Solomon wrote, "the little foxes that gnaw the vines." We were sick of DEI, CRT, and AOC. We were sick of 4,567 pronouns and fuschia-haired people who looked like they were rocked on morphine telling us they identified as a tabby cat, snow, or drywall. We were sick of trigger warnings and safe spaces. We were sick of "Latinx." We were sick of ersatz journalists and legislators wailing "January 6!" with every exhalation. We were sick of all of the stupid, narcissistic, moronic details that could turn a simple trip to the store for a six-pack of beer and a pound of hamburger meat into a journey through at least seven of Dante's Circles of Hell.
The plastic straw order, while not critical, is Trump's way of reminding everyone that the Progressive Amateur Idiot Review just made its final curtain call. Refunds are available at the box office.
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