Looking for New Gig? Get Yourself a New Gender!

(AP Photo/Matt Rourke, File)

As someone who is approaching the last half of his life, I recently had a discussion with my wife about retirement. She looked at me and asked, “Do you really want to retire?” And the truth is neither of us do. I can’t see myself in knee-length shorts, knee-high black socks, a golf shirt with little sailboats on it, and a pair of oversized sunglasses teeing up on the 15th green somewhere in the heart of Florida. I’m hoping that my end will at least be a bit more interesting than keeling over clutching my chest at the clubhouse with a scotch and water dribbling down my cheeks. Hopefully, I’ll die in a shark cage or something cool. But until then, should I ever find myself thrust into the job market again I have to admit that I would have no idea where to start. I don’t care what you’ve heard about privilege, the market is not exactly friendly to older straight white men. In fact, ever since I first heard of white male privilege, I’ve been wondering if someone stole mine or if it got lost in the mail. It hasn’t shown up in all these years.

Of course, given the current trajectory of the country, retirement may not be an option for any of us. I suppose I could eventually land a slot in the Redaction Department of the local office of the Ministry of Truth. But if all else fails and I want a really sweet, cushy job with lots of perks, I could transition. That may mean an abrupt and uncomfortable conversation with my wife, but I’m sure that she’ll see the logic in it. Right after she serves me with papers. Transitioning may become a requisite for all the good gigs in the country before long.  Jobs like the president of a university.

Florida Atlantic University has been looking for a new president. But before you go polishing up your resume and start shopping for a new tie or skirt, the university apparently has some prerequisites. They would really like a transgender person for the position. I’m not sure what gender identity has to do with one’s ability to execute the duties of a university president. To be completely honest, I don’t think that the search committee is sure, either. But the members recently wanted to know if one candidate was trans.

According to a story in The College Fix, Ray Rodrigues, the chancellor of the State University System of Florida, said that the Florida Atlantic committee recently asked one candidate if he was transgender or queer. Rodrigues wrote a letter to the chair of the university’s board of trustees, Brad Levine. In it, Rodrigues requested a suspension of the search process. Rodrigues claimed that problems like secret votes on candidates and the issues of gender and sexuality were probably violations of federal law. In the letter, Rodrigues stated, “At least one candidate reported he was requested to complete a questionnaire and answer is his sexual orientation was ‘queer’ and whether he was a ‘male or transgender male.’” Rodrigues also said that the same candidate was asked in another survey to disclose his pronouns and gender.  Rodrigues added, “These inquiries are wholly irrelevant, inappropriate, and potentially illegal.” Rodrigues cited the United States Equal Employment Opportunity Commission, which states that questions about sex and gender “are generally viewed as not job-related and problematic under Title VII.”

Christopher Rufo even brought the receipts:

The search is on hold after the committee whittled the list down to three candidates. So close, and yet so far!

So this group of people — which has had protests, parades, brunches, shows, story hours, special days, and festivals in its honor; which has enjoyed preferential treatment by school boards, the media, cities, and beer distributors; and which had its flag flown at the White House while a transitioner proudly flashed his noob boobs on the lawn — now gets preferential hiring? This group, which successfully labels even the slightest criticism as genocide? Forgive my cynicism, but this hardly sounds like a marginalized community. It sounds like a roaring success.

In the meantime, my brothers, take heart. No matter your stage in life, your new, exciting, and rewarding career may be just a few snips away. So keep your head up, your junk tucked, and remember to slay, queen!


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