'Star Wars' From Worst to Best
“Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens” hits screens on December 17. Until then, Star Wars fans must content themselves with the stellar original trilogy, and the slightly more earth-bound prequels.
To prepare our readers for the grand opening, PJ Media has decided to rank the first six films from worst to best. Feel free to vent, rage, and disagree in the comments. Without further ado, here is our ranking.
6. "Episode II: Attack of the Clones"
Worst in the series, but nevertheless a solid action film, “Episode II: Attack of the Clones” tells the love story of Anakin Skywalker and Padmé Amidala, and then delivers the action fans wanted to see. This film shares the same general failing of the entire prequel trilogy -- the new films tried to boil down Star Wars into a purely action franchise, when it was always something more.
“Attack of the Clones” features some great chase scenes (with dashes of humor mixed in at the right moments), an epic battle scene, and two great lightsaber duels, but lands light on the dialogue and character development that made the films of the original trilogy such classics.
This movie tried to show the bright side and the dark side of the central character -- Anakin Skywalker -- but ended up a mess. In “Episode I: The Phantom Menace,” Anakin is a sweet, innocent little boy who truly cares for other people and wouldn’t hurt an Ewok. In “Attack of the Clones,” the little boy has become a teenager, enflamed with boyish passion and easily driven to anger and recklessness. He rushes to face Count Dooku alone, unleashes his anger on a group of savages, and expresses his undying love for Padmé Amidala.
Lord only knows why Padmé reciprocates. Here’s a taste of Anakin’s winning dialogue: “From the moment I met you...there hasn’t been a day when I haven’t thought of you….I’m haunted by the kiss that you should never have given me...you are in my very soul, tormenting me.” Shockingly, Padmé does not respond with “get away from me, you creep!” the way any normal girl would. Rather, she risks her life to go with him on a dangerous mission.
Despite the hauntingly beautiful background music, this romance makes absolutely no sense.
Regardless, “Attack of the Clones” has some absolutely wonderful moments. Obi-Wan’s “You don’t want to sell me death sticks, you want to go home and rethink your life” may be the best instance of Jedi mind tricks in the entire series, and Yoda’s lightsaber duel with Count Dooku is fantastic. The growing menace of a Clone War shades the film with a perfectly eerie sense of foreboding, and the march of the clone army with Vader’s theme at the end is perfect.