Three Things You'll Need for Your Woke Marxist Starter Kit

As a former New York City liberal, I can assure you that being a cloud-hugging leftist is exhausting.

A liberal wakes up every day with the unquenchable desire for victimization, either your own or that of a minority.

If you are a straight, white colonizer like me, you have no cause to play the victim. In fact, you should find a BIPOC ASAP and apologize for your privilege. I mean, sure, in the 1840s, while my ancestors were starving in Ireland, a handful of similarly-skinned people across an ocean owned slaves. And, as a seething narcissist, a liberal can't pass up a chance to make history all about themself. FORGIVE ME!

Now that you've accepted that all the world's problems are your fault, it's time to make amends. Nothing makes a prog-hog feel better about themself than virtue-gesticulating how open-minded they are. And that's where we will begin to discuss all the things you need to become a whiney prairie fairy.

#1 Virtue-signaling swag

As a card-carrying Stalinista, you'll need a few things to let the world know you've bent your knee to the cause. I'd start with a BLM sticker on your car. That way, when Antifa pulls you out of your Prius and proceeds to beat the potato salad out of you, they'll know you're on their side as they pummel you and your family into the traumatic brain injury unit.

Those septum rings are pretty popular, too. However, to a guy like me, they double as birth control.

Mooooooo pic.twitter.com/j0mgtDEdIW
— Quantanamo (@QBallthe) February 19, 2024

ADVANCED SWAG If you really want to beacon to the masses how open-minded you are, get yourself a Jackie Robinson t-shirt. Sure, as a progressive, you believe sports are full of toxic masculinity, and you've never watched any pro game in any sport, and you might have no idea which team Robinson played for. Nonetheless, nothing says "I'm not a bigot" like wearing a t-shirt honoring the nation's first black hockey player.

#2 A double-jointed back-patting arm

The happiest liberals are those who can smilingly vomit their racist views and congratulate themselves for their bigotry at the same time.

DID YOU KNOW? The obese Asian dude in the photo above "won" a local beauty contest. He "beat" every other young woman in the picture. I'll bet you my Snagglepuss lunchbox the judges each had one of those fancy double-jointed back-patting arms, voted for the salad-dodging dude in the dress, and then absquatulated, stage left.

We all know (or used to know but no longer tolerate) liberal white people who believe black people are incapable of obtaining an I.D. card.

Check out this video of liberals at Berkeley University "bravely" stating voter I.D. is "racist" because black people are too dumb to get them, are too poor to get online, and too many are felons.

This is the definition of white supremacy.

#3 Suspension of Disbelief

I recently broke my rule and engaged in a little Facebook political pugilism and, as expected, your typical liberal is bullet-proof against facts.

I posted an article about Chicago chasing young black kids out of a sports facility to make room for illegal immigrants, and another involving Boston surrendering a recreation center in a black neighborhood to the "cultural enrichers." Chicagoans fought back and kept their facility. Black folks in Boston weren't so lucky.

Why didn't my liberal friend — who is black — believe the stories? He's been "demoralized." KGB defector Yuri Bezmenov was accurate when he said:

As I mentioned before, exposure to true information does not matter anymore. A person who was demoralized is unable to assess true information. The facts tell nothing to him. Even if I shower him with information, with authentic proof, with documents, with pictures, even if I take him by force to the Soviet Union and show him concentration camp, he will refuse to believe it, until he receives a kick in his fat bottom. When a military boot crashes his b**ls, then he will understand. But not before that. That’s the tragedy of the situation of demoralization.

The Democrat Party is a cult. Cults typically recruit people who:

are autistic
have learning disorders
lack critical thinking skills
are ungrounded
aren't aware of what's happening in the news
have drug or alcohol issues

Cults will "love bomb" a new recruit and make them feel special. The only way to continue to remain in the cult — and to feel special — is to become completely obedient, never question what they are told, and ignore outside information.

So when a liberal is told to believe that a mentally ill man in a dress is just as much a woman as their own mother, the cult member will deny science and accept the lie.

FACT-O-RAMA! The suicide attempt rate amongst transgender people is roughly 42%, which means almost half of the trans community will try to kill themselves. To encourage such a lifestyle is cruel. A woman spent 15 months in prison for suggesting her boyfriend kill himself, but you can be fired from your job for not encouraging a trans person by using zhe/zhim/zher's "preferred pronouns."

What have we learned?

We now know the three basic necessities we would need should we decide to become libdolts. This list is just the beginning. You'll also have to scrape off your work ethic and sense of personal responsibility. Those things are Kryptonite to a Bolshevik.

For those who really want to rise and shine in the American commie society, here is a list of myths you MUST believe in:

How many blue anon conspiracy theories did YOU believe? pic.twitter.com/7gixvqwu92
— The Kevin Downey, Jr. Show Mon- Fri. 10-11 am! (@KDJRadioShow) February 20, 2024

Let's keep the fun rolling. Check out the newest video from our friends at "Jokes and a Point." They prove, every time, that conservatives are way funnier than tear-squirting progressives and their never-ending desire to make us as miserable as they are.