Coldplay Won't Tour Because It's Killing the Planet or Something

I make fun of eco-hypocrites a lot, because it’s galling to listen to guys like Leonardo Di Caprio and Arnold Schwarzenegger scold me for killing the planet as they’re stepping into their private jets. If they really believed what they’re saying, they’d quit their jobs and go live in a commune. They’d stop ruining the planet while claiming to love it. They’d practice what they preach.

Which is why I have to tip my hat to Chris Martin and the rest of Coldplay. After 20 years in the music business, they’ve finally released something I want to hear! BBC News:

Coldplay have put plans to tour their new album on hold, due to concerns over the environmental impact of concerts.

“We’re not touring this album,” frontman Chris Martin told BBC News.

“We’re taking time over the next year or two, to work out how our tour can not only be sustainable [but] how can it be actively beneficial…”

“The hardest thing is the flying side of things. But, for example, our dream is to have a show with no single use plastic, to have it largely solar powered.”

So Coldplay is now the Ed Begley Jr. of music. Begley is the TV actor whose home is totally environmentally conscious and “sustainable.” He installed solar panels, he pedals a stationary bicycle to power his TV, he filters his own urine for drinking water, etc. In other words, he’s insane. But at least he lives according to his espoused principles. I don’t think he’s doing any good, but at least he’s not doing any harm according to his own beliefs. Same with Coldplay now. Good for them.

But they shouldn’t stop there, of course. Refusing to tour is a good first step toward saving our planet, but it’s not nearly enough. The band should quit making music entirely. I’m not exactly sure how much carbon is produced by recording and releasing music in 2019, but I doubt you can plant trees quickly enough to offset it. Even if you just count the carbon dioxide that’s released whenever Chris Martin opens his gob to sing, that’s tipping the balance. Gaia can’t take much more of it, and neither can lovers of good music.

Save the planet, Coldplay. Go away!