Election 2018 Will Decide the Future of America or Something

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Tomorrow is the most important election of your lifetime, assuming you’re less than two years old. For the rest of us, it’s the midterms.

If you really, really, really hate Donald Trump, and everything even tangentially related to Donald Trump, then tomorrow means everything. It’s the Democrats’ chance to prove to the world that they didn’t make a huge mistake by nominating Hillary. If the Dems get back some of the power they threw away by putting all their trust in the Clintons, then that will somehow prove that the past two years have just been an anomaly. It was all a bad dream. It will justify everything they’ve done since Trump was elected, including the astonishing smear job they pulled on Brett Kavanaugh just a month ago. All of their repulsive behavior is justified in their pursuit of power, and tomorrow we’ll find out if it was all worth it.


If you really, really, really love Donald Trump, and everything even tangentially related to Donald Trump, then tomorrow also means everything. It’s your chance to prove that the Republicans didn’t make a huge mistake by nominating him. If the Republicans maintain power, then it’s all been worth it to stop the Dems.

Either way, it’s all about Trump. So either way, Trump wins. If you think he cares about the Republicans, or the Democrats, or anybody or anything other than himself, you’re a sucker. As long as all the attention in the world is focused on him, he’s happy. That’s who he is, it’s who he’s always been, and everything else is just rationalization.

Tomorrow will be even more exhausting than any other day in 2018 has been, but there are two ways to get through it:

  • Obsessively follow every single second of the horse race. Check the exit polls and vote tally every two minutes. If they favor your desired outcome, tweet about how great it is. If not, tweet about how it ain’t over till it’s over. #OwnTheLibs or #OwnTheCons, as you prefer. Crow in victory or weep in defeat.
  • Ignore all of it and keep trying to hit 100% completion on Red Dead Redemption 2. This is my preferred method. It’s every bit as productive and has exactly as much impact on the outcome.

I’ll be voting Republican, in case you were wondering, because they’re marginally less repulsive than the Dems. I don’t like Trump, I didn’t vote for Trump, and I’m not sure I’ll vote for Trump in 2020.* But I’m not one of these #NeverTrump guys who say you should vote Democrat or else you’re in the Klan.** I don’t base my principles on who’s in the White House, so I’m not going to punish or reward either party for supporting or #resisting the president.

The Democrats have given me no reason whatsoever to vote for them, and their insistence on blaming anybody who disagrees with them for Trump has only alienated me even further. I was begging the GOP not to nominate that guy when the Dems were cheering him on because they thought Hillary would beat him. I refuse to be held responsible for the Trump era by the very same people who enabled the Trump era. I will not be scolded into compliance by a party that lies to me, and about me, every damn day.

No matter how many stupid things Trump says or does or tweets, it’s not a reason to vote for the people who’ve made it their life’s mission to get him. If you think that makes me complicit, you’re free to be as stupid as you like.

Good luck to the Dems tomorrow. If they get what they want, good for them. I hope it was worth destroying any chance that I’ll ever vote for their party again as long as I live.


And then on Wednesday, #Election2020 begins. Hooray.

*He’ll probably win no matter what I do, so maybe you could just relax?
**The Klan was founded by Democrats, which really pisses off the Democrats.


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