Will Satan be barred from running for office in Utah? The vote in the state legislature was 65-2. The questions now are, will the governor sign? And who the hell were the two people who voted against it? Is the pro-Satan caucus in Washington, D.C., making inroads in the Beehive State?
The issue came up in last year’s presidential election when Lucifer “Justin Case” Everylove got the signatures needed to qualify to be on the state ballot. As might be expected, Lucifer didn’t win in Utah. He did get 2,653 votes. Maybe Utah isn’t as straight-laced as their state tourism board wants us to believe.
And what red-blooded American would not have voted for another candidate in Utah’s 3rd Congressional District, good old John “Frugal” Dougall? When people say there isn’t a dime’s worth of difference between the political parties, good ole Frugal might be happy to put his two cents in.
According to the radio station KSL, state Sen. Stephanie Pitcher (D-Salt Lake City) told legislators, “You may have noticed that Satan was on the ballot this last election cycle. This bill imposes some guidelines to preserve the integrity of our election process to ensure only accurate legal names go on the ballot, or nicknames under certain circumstances.”
The bill may seem the work of spoilsports, but there are loopholes. Nicknames may be allowed if there are signed affidavits from the candidate and others that “the candidate is generally known by acquaintances in the candidate’s county of residence by the nickname … and is not using the nickname to gain an advantage on the ballot.”
A name can be approved if it:
- “Does not imply that the candidate is an individual other than the candidate, regardless of whether the individual is living or deceased.
- “Does not constitute a slogan.
- “Does not associate the candidate with an economic, religious, political or other group, issue or opinion.
- “Is not offensive, profane or spurious.
- “Is not a title, rank, degree, certification, job description or similar designation.”
This certainly seems fairer than New York State. When the late “Grandpa” Al Lewis of Munster TV fame ran as the Green Party candidate for governor, the Board of Elections refused to allow him to use the moniker Grandpa. He went to court and lost but still managed to get the 50,000-plus votes needed to officially put the Green Party on the state ballot.
It does appear the bill would restrict using ‘Doppelgangers,’ candidates with similar names to trick voters. When JFK first ran for Congress, his opponent was a local pol named Joe Russo. Kennedy’s team recruited a janitor named Joe Russo and put him on the ballot to split the Italian vote with, well, Joe Russo.
Related: They’ve Finally Finished Counting Votes, and Yes, It’s Fishy
I had an acquaintance in Reno, Nev., who was active in the right-to-life movement. He was a total character with his white cowboy hat, the kind the good guys wear. A retired Air Force veteran, he got annoyed at the media’s mischaracterization of his pro-life work. They constantly called it the “anti-abortion movement” and described him as an “anti-abortion” activist.
He took decisive action. He legally changed his name to Pro-life, so every time the media referred to him, they had to say Pro-life Andy Anderson. My late comrade in arms, Joe Scheidler, the man who beat the National Organization for Women three times in the Supreme Court and ended the misuse of RICO laws against the pro-life movement, did a nice obit for Pro-life Andy here. No matter what you called them, both of these guys were true classics and definitely did not approve of Satan.
Join the conversation as a VIP Member