I've been told I have a gift for snark. Personally, I think it's more of a curse, and often, so do innocent bystanders, but at least it's entertaining while things are blowing up.
Buckle up, kids…
* * *
Not everyone wants love. Especially, tennis players.
The folks at Sun-Maid Raisins out in California report they can’t keep up with the “72 Raisin” orders from Iran. Reportedly, it’s because the growers can’t get enough water to the grape plants. It is California, after all.
He is a person who proves beyond the shadow of a doubt that God has a sense of humor.
The people who want us to call the whole western hemisphere “America” sure raised hell over calling that body of water the “Gulf of America.”
For the record, American football was not invented by Spanish-speaking men in dresses.
All over America, transgender people are breathing a sigh of relief after it was found that the Austin shooter was just another Muslim terrorist.
So the usual suspects are complaining that we've spent nearly $2 billion on taking Iran's leadership and military out. Thing is, that's not half of what one Milwaukee Learing center costs per month.
Speaking of records, I spend my time worried that Columbia House is finally going to catch up with me over those records I never followed up on.
Will somebody please tell me what the bleep people doing bad Imitations of Kermit the Frog have to do with the State of the Union? It's kind of hard to make out like you're an adult when you're wearing a really weird frog suit.
Every time she comes around, I get a real need to be lonely.
Love is all you need, or else!
"I'm not gonna try it. … YOU try it". — Conversations between Mullahs trying to get someone to take the top job.
I needed a new computer. The old one was too good at teaching me Karate.
As I drive through the valley of the shadow of death, I remind myself that you can’t always trust the GPS.
I'm at the age where 50 Shades of Grey actually describes my hair.
The recent riots in Minneapolis cast a pall on our efforts to remove mental defectives from our streets.
The good news for Iran’s upper levels of government is that they’re all now registered to vote for Democrats here in the ‘states.
Someone called me today, telling me he had all my passwords. I grabbed a pen and told him, “Oh, thank God! What are they?”
I do appreciate the rich leftists leaving their mansions long enough to tell the Iranian people how their liberation is a bad thing.
I'd like to reach their minds, but it's not clear to me where they're located.
I’m kinda like termites. Don’t even talk to me until I’ve had my coffee table.
I can’t remember what day it is without checking my “Today In History” sections. I must be retired.
Rachel Maddow is Geraldo Rivera with a better mustache.
If I were him, I'd be angry at nature for what it's done to him.
What you don’t want to hear when you’ve won the radio contest: “You’ve won the new CD from Yoko Ono, Breaking Windows with my Voice!"
Do we really want people who can’t figure out how to get a picture ID to be voting?
So, you're sane? We can cure that. Move to California.
Amazing what government can do. It can investigate the threats posed by a pet squirrel and kill it, but it can’t investigate billions in fraud.
Iranian State Media, what’s left of it, is busy depicting Khamenei in “heaven” with his 72 virgins. All of them 12 years old, of course. He must have had them already set up with Epstein.
With Iran defeated, the only enemy we face now is the Democrats.
Let's face it: When you see women in Iran dancing without their hijabs on, it proves without any doubt that Donald Trump has done more for women than anyone.
So, if vaccines really do improve health, why is it that Americans, the most vaxed people on the planet, are always sick?
Your shadow exists because, while light from the sun has traveled about 93 million miles, it never reached its destination because YOU were standing in the way.
Maxine Waters told us she wasn’t going to Trump’s State of the Union address, saying it was because he doesn’t deserve to be in her presence. Ya know what? I have thought long and hard about this, and I agree. She’s absolutely correct. Nobody, even her fellow Democrats, deserves that kind of punishment.
Pizza isn’t really the breakfast of champions until it’s been sitting on your coffee table for a week.
When they finally get around to making an Epstein movie, who will they get to play his part?
You can’t always believe everything you see on the internet. — Ben Franklin
Buc-ee’s is suing an Ohio-based convenience chain, Mickey's, alleging its moose mascot looks too much like Buc-ee’s famous beaver. I say the real issue is that the Buc-ee's logo looks too much like Rocket J Squirrel.
Stay snarky, my friends.
Also for our VIPs: Eric's Axioms
