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Powerful New Source of Alternative Illumination Discovered

"Lights to be turned off in France to save money and show 'sobriety,'" the London Daily Mail reported on December 31st.

Fortunately, it didn't long for a substitute to be "unexpectedly" discovered: "French Youths Celebrate New Year by Torching 1,193 Cars."

Ahh, those unfortunate French youth of indeterminate background.