How to Talk Like Chris Matthews

I was about to add the Ann Coulter “If You Must” tag to the headline, but this is one time where Al Sharpton’s “Resist We Must!” malapropism is much more appropriate. But in any case, Ace goes deep into the overcompensating brain of Chris Matthews:

I think Chris Matthews is very similar to the Maureen Dowd in this, in as much as Chris Matthews tries to channel, I don’t know, the mindthoughts of some macho masculine male man he once admired in West Side Story, Maureen Dowd’s schtick is to channel, even in her advancing age, the snotty, bitchy eighth-grade Mean Girl she probably once was.

And that act is getting even cuter every day closer she gets to 60, let me tell you.

Matthews is what, 60? 63? 66? I don’t know. Too old for this act, anyway.

For both of them: It’s time to put away childish things. Let’s start using our lower registers here. Let’s start using our Adult Voices. Let’s stop playing the punk and the bitch and try competing on the adult field of play.

Let’s drop the whole schtick of pretending to be dumber and cruder than you both really are, because neither of you is terribly smart or elevated to begin with, so you haven’t much margin for error here.

If you want to test my theory, try taking a very simple observation — very obvious, very dumb — but then do it Chris Matthews style, adding a lot of pointless dick-waggling bluster and unnecessary explication to it. Like, making it more difficult to understand with your unnecessarily convoluted analogy.

I think the casual misogyny of the past and present MSNBC guys is even more embarrassing than the faux-macho Ron Burgundy shtick. To go back to Ace’s Lee Ermey comparison, I can’t imagine the Ol’ Gunny ever doing or saying this or this or this to a woman on air.