Damn Near Killed Him

“A Florida inmate is in more trouble after jail deputies found out he was keeping an illegal fanny pack — in his fanny,” MSNBC notes, in one of the great moments in lede paragraphs. “Neil Lansing, 33, was charged with drug possession and smuggling contraband in jail for having 30 items tucked up his anus, the Sarasota Herald Tribune reported.”

(Via Caleb Howe, who tweets, “Dude. That was not your first sentence. That did not just happen. Right?”