'Garrison Keillor Has Me Pegged'

Link safe, goes to Maggie’s Farm, which spots a warmly satiric musing from our lovable Will Rogers-esque ambassador to fabled Lake Wobegon:

[Republicans have] transmogrified into the party of hairy-backed swamp developers and corporate shills, faith-based economists, fundamentalist bullies with Bibles, Christians of convenience, freelance racists, misanthropic fratboys, shrieking midgets of AM radio, tax cheats, nihilists in golf pants, brownshirts in pinstripes, sweatshop tycoons, hacks, fakirs, aggressive dorks, Lamborghini libertarians, people who believe Neil Armstrong’s moonwalk was filmed in Roswell, New Mexico, little honkers out to diminish the rest of us, Newt’s evil spawn and their Etch-A-Sketch president, a dull and rigid man suspicious of the free flow of information and of secular institutions, whose philosophy is a jumble of badly sutured body parts trying to walk. Republicans: The No.1 reason the rest of the world thinks we’re deaf, dumb, and dangerous.

Yes it’s true. I do have a rather hirsute upper spinal region. And. I. am. ashamed.

But I had no idea these august folks were also Republicans:

• Whoopi Goldberg and Margaret Atwood, lunar truthers.

• Tim Geithner, tax cheat.

• Paul Krugman, faith-based economist.

• The New Black Panthers, freelance racists.

• Barack Obama, Christian of convenience and “Etch-A-Sketch president.”

• Michelle Obama, fast food fakir.

• Kathleen Sebelius, little honker.

• Robert Gibbs, misanthropic fratboy.

I always suspected that the ideology of Nihilist in Golf Pants was indeed somewhere on the conservative spectrum, but now I have confirmation.

Incidentally, Dennis Miller has uttered perhaps the pithiest rejoinder to Keillor’s ravings: “Racism is the new ‘doody-head.”

And really, who could argue with him?

So why is there such gloom, selfishness, and cynicism amongst Liberalism’s Pessimistic Elites? Michael Knox Beran explains all.