Muscular Democrats

This is a long, long overdue press release:

Senator Joseph Lieberman (D-CT), flanked by former Senator Zell Miller (D-GA), Senator John Kerry (D-MA), Senator Ted Kennedy (D-MA) and other Democratic leaders announced today that the long awaited Democrat plan for victory in the 2006 Congressional elections had been completed.

Holding aloft a thick binder entitled Muscular Democrats — A Comprehensive Plan for Something Other Than Moral Victory, Lieberman said, “this plan pulls Democrats back from the precipice of treason onto the solid ground of loyalty that America’s opposition parties have always occupied during times of war.”

“Just as Republicans united behind Democrats in the world wars and Democrats and Republicans united together to defeat Communism in the Cold War, we will join Republicans to defeat Islamo-fascism and help ensure the security of Americans,” said Lieberman.

Kerry added: “Our plan will assure every American that this election will be decided almost exclusively or at least primarily on domestic issues and to a lesser, but still significant extent, on the tactical elements of America’s foreign and security policy. These are areas where we Democrats have historically said — and may, during this important election season, potentially, or at least theoretically, and at the very worst hypothetically, have something important or perhaps new or different or possibly unusual or thought-provoking or influential or even exciting, and always in a very pro-American and patriotic way, and also, let me assure you as strongly as possible on this point, in a brawny, manly and certainly non-flip-floppy way, notwithstanding the attempts of our political opponents to say otherwise — to say.”

Sadly though, as with this speech by Senator Kerry in 2004, it is, indeed, a work of fiction.