Long National Nightmare Over: Willie Nelson's Stuffed Armadillo Returned Unharmed

Nobody can say that the Journal News of Westchester New York doesn’t cover the Big Stories of Our Times:

Willie’s got his armadillo back.

The mounted armadillo that was stolen from Willie Nelson’s road crew after a Sept. 19 concert at the Capitol Theatre was returned unharmed Friday morning, the theater happily reported.

“The artists who play at the Capitol Theatre, we try to treat them like family, and no one messes with our family,” Tom Bailey, the Capitol’s manager, said.

Shortly before noon, someone (Bailey did not describe the person, but said it was not the suspected thief) walked up to the theater and handed a sealed box to the attendant working at the box office. Inside — his signature blue-glitter hat still fixed to his leathery head — was Ol’ Dillo.

“Everyone is relieved and delighted to be able to get the thing back to Mr. Nelson,” Bailey said.

No word yet when Ol’ Dillo will be appearing in pro-ObamaCare PSAs.