If you have been listening to the reaction to the Kavanaugh sexual abuse allegations, you have heard naysayers remark that Judge Kavanaugh was too angry, too temperamental, and spent too much time defending himself. Phooey, he did exactly the right thing and his righteous indignation worked. Sure, there are those who hope his life is ruined, but it isn’t. Why? He fought back.
Let that be a lesson to the normal, decent men out there who will not stand up for themselves whenever a woman is involved. I have heard the excuses for years: “I can’t stand up to my wife — she might withhold sex. I can’t make her mad — she might not love me. I can’t fight back against sexual harassment charges that are false because the society is against me.” It goes on and on.
Yes, all of this is true. But it doesn’t mean that you cannot make the effort to push back against the misandry that is so rampant in our culture. We are now at the crossroads where due process for men is dubious, where one false allegation will end a man’s career, and where a woman’s word is gospel. It’s not. Judge Kavanaugh proved that this week. Due process is not dead and just because a man is charged by a woman does not automatically make him guilty. But until the man-hating stops, it is up to you to protect yourself.
How do you do that? It depends. A different strategy is needed in the case of a relationship than in a job or legal situation. I hear from many men that their wife says negative things about men in general or to them directly in a sexist or nasty way. That is abusive. Tell her that, initially in a nice way.
“Hey, dear, you may not realize it but when you speak to me that way, it comes across like you don’t like men or me in particular. Could we figure out how to address this so I am not feeling put down?” If she is unresponsive or tells you that you are acting like a baby, that is a bad sign. If she is just a girlfriend, consider letting her go. If she is your wife, give her a chance to adjust and address her sexism or putdowns each time they come up.
If you are in the middle of a nasty divorce or a nasty work situation in which you have been treated in a sexist or biased manner, speak up and address the issue legally. Don’t stick your head in the sand and hope it will go away, as it probably won’t.
Remember that anger is not necessarily bad. Yes, men are constantly told that any display of anger is misogynist, sexist and just plain mean if a man does it but using anger in a controlled way to address injustices against you is necessary in our current political climate. If you didn’t believe it would work before the Kavanaugh circus, maybe you will believe it will work now.
These misandrists didn’t ruin Kavanaugh’s life because he fought back. Let him be our inspiration to do the same for decent men who deserve better.