Dr. Helen

Is Mom the Real (Psychological) Rapist Here?

Over at Instapundit, I saw this article in the Washington Post by Jody Allard entitled “My teen boys are blind to rape culture.” The article depicts a picture of Brock Turner, who was charged for assaulting an unconscious woman at Standford University. In typical misandric fashion, Allard seems to compare her sons to a guy actually charged with rape:


We were sitting around the dinner table talking about the news. As soon as I mentioned the Stanford sexual assault case, my sons looked at each other. They knew what was coming. They’ve been listening to me talk about consent, misogyny and rape culture since they were tweens. They listened to me then, but they are 16 and 18 now and they roll their eyes and argue when I talk to them about sexism and misogyny.

“There’s no such thing as rape culture,” my other son said. “You say everything is about rape culture or sexism.”

I never imagined I would raise boys who would become men like these. Men who deny rape culture, or who turn a blind eye to sexism. Men who tell me I’m being too sensitive or that I don’t understand what teenage boys are like. “You don’t speak out about this stuff, mom,” they tell me with a sigh. “It’s just not what teenagers do.”…

My sons who hate hearing about their own privilege nestle inside it like a blanket and accuse me of making up its existence.

My sons are part of the problem.

No, Jody, you are part of the problem. You don’t understand the difference between perpetrators of crime and those who are good men like her sons are trying to be. You have tagged them as the enemy and put them on the same moral level of a real rapist which is the psychological equivalent of punching your child in the gut.


What if every time a woman abused a child which is frequent, your sons told you that you were part of the problem and an abuser yourself? But ya know, maybe they would be correct: you are an abuser, a psychological one — and one day, when your sons want little to do with mom and you don’t understand why, you might think back to this little op-ed of yours and reconsider the disturbing view you have of all men.

Your negative reaction to your sons and your tendency to blame them for what happened to you so long ago is psychological rape. It is something to share with a grown-up therapist, not your teenage sons, who will either feel angry or helpless or both. It is cruel and unnecessary.

Join the conversation as a VIP Member