Dr. Helen

Dr. Helen

I Feel Sorry for Them Too.

October 13th, 2015 - 5:31 am

John Hawkins has an article at Town Hall entitled “I Feel Sorry For Real Men In The Millennial Generation”:

The sad truth is that men, like all people, tend to do what they’re rewarded for doing and avoid situations that punish them. The cultural changes over the last fifty years have hit “real” men particularly hard.

There was a time when a man without a college education could work hard and make enough money to take care of himself, a wife and a couple of kids. He might not have had much, but his wife treated him like a king and he could take pride in the fact that he was taking care of his family.

Fast forward to 2015 and because of computers, automation, shipping containers and the lowered cost of world transport, those men can barely take care of themselves, much less a wife and kids. Furthermore, because we dole out so much money in welfare, in many cases a woman and her kids may be better off without a man in the house….

So imagine dating a woman who’s making as much money as you, who just decides she doesn’t want to be married anymore, takes your kids away from you and then to add insult to injury, you have to pay this woman who broke your heart and took your kids, your hard earned money every month while she sleeps with some other guy in a house that the two of you used to share. Almost every man reading this knows other men in this situation and because it’s so common, it makes the potential cost of entering into a marriage considerably higher for a man than it used to be.

John’s article makes sense until the last paragraph:

Most of the best men you’ll ever meet will never be heroes to anyone except a handful of people. They also won’t be perfect. Life knocks all of us on our ass at times, but the guys who persevere in the face of adversity, have a moral code and set an example by acting like real men will be remembered after they’re gone. It may only be in the hearts and minds of their families and friends, but in the end, aren’t they the ones that matter most? So keep fighting; keep working; love your country, your family; stand for what’s right even when it’s hard. Be that man of honor, that man who raises his kids right, that man whom people call for advice on something. Do your duty, be a real man and do what you can, with what you have, where you’re at. If you’re reading this, no matter what your failings, no matter how hard it gets, you can do it.

The article spends the first part telling how a man can get the shaft if he does his “duty” and then tells him to do it anyway? No thanks. Why love a country that hates you? Why spend all the time trying to help kids who will turn on you on a dime if mom tells them to? Why have a moral code that keeps you trapped doing the “right thing” that leaves your life and emotional health in turmoil? The right thing according to society is for men to do as they are told and keep their mouths shut no matter what the consequences. Is this a real man?

That is the headline (note the “Her School,” not “His,” of course) at New York magazine in an article discussing the ALICE program:

The campus mass shooting at Umpqua Community College has left many people, including President Obama, feeling a bit hopeless. What can be done? Stricter gun control seems doomed, and the country doesn’t — for good reason — seem quite ready for Dr. Ben Carson’s shoot-from-the-hip, arm-the-teachers prescription. If this sort of occasional horror is now considered almost inevitable, is it time to start training students to defend themselves, guerrilla-warfare style, against what law enforcement calls “active shooters,” by creating barricades of desks and causing chaos with pencils and water bottles?

There are Facebook forums dedicated to offering DIY ideas for school staff when faced with an armed intruder. But Greg Crane, among others, is making money off the understandable sense of vulnerability.

“I’ve seen it going back to the Amish school shooting, Virginia Tech, and Aurora,” says Crane, a Texas police officer turned student-defense-strategy entrepreneur. “After every one of these events, we get more calls.” His company, called ALICE, charges $595 for a single teacher or law-enforcement official to become certified in their anti-armed-wacko protocols.

Naturally, ALICE is an acronym, which stands for “Alert, Lockdown, Inform, Counter, and Evacuate.” These five words describe what to do in a terrible situation. Crane started ALICE with his wife, Lisa, an elementary-school principal at the time, after the 1999 Columbine High School tragedy.

“For years, the common teaching was ‘Be passive, be static, hold tight, and wait for police to rescue you,’” Crane tells Daily Intelligencer. But after Columbine, Greg Crane was frustrated with the idea that in the event of a gun-wielding misfit marauding murderously through the halls of his wife’s school, she and her students would have to sit passively and wait for help to arrive.

The article points out the naysayers of the program:

While many education professionals, like Dr. Stephen Brock of the National Association of School Psychologists, consider the training as “an overreaction and potentially dangerous,” it is gaining some traction…..

Crane says he doesn’t like to call these counter-strategies “fighting back,” but school security consultant Ken Trump says that it is most definitely just that — and it’s a bad idea.

“To think that schools are going to teach kids close-combat tactics in one 45-minute session is a high-liability proposition,” he says.

Trump suggests that businesses like ALICE are playing off people’s emotions. Historically, he says, if a classroom is properly locked, there should be no need for students to attack the intruder. In an analysis of the Sandy Hook shooting in 2013, Trump concluded that no one was harmed in rooms that had effectively locked their doors.

David Esquith, director of the U.S. Department of Education’s Office of Safe and Healthy Students, told the Charleston Gazette-Mail that his department doesn’t recommend students of any size or age fight shooters — even as a last resort.

“It’s not just a matter of how big someone is, there’s a great deal of judgment that goes into how to deal effectively as possible with this very, very complicated type of situation,” Esquith said.

So even as a last resort, no one should fight back or at least come up with a strategy of some sort? Because it’s better for children to be killed without reflection or options and this isn’t complicated? Really? In the face of imminent death, these paragons of passivity believe it better to do nothing than to make a fort in front of a door and try to save lives? Just because it’s easier for the school administration and the government to keep a passive populace around? Or so they won’t be held “liable”? Ultimately, that is what is meant by a “complicated situation.”

Do Civilians with Guns Ever Stop Mass Shootings?

Do You Feel Dizzy?

October 6th, 2015 - 5:23 am

I have suffered from dizziness for most of my life and it seems to get worse when I get a cold or virus. This WP article describes some of the symptoms and causes of vertigo:

Indeed, researchers described a new disorder of the vestibular system as recently as 1998. In that condition, called superior semicircular canal dehiscence, an opening in one of the canals of the inner ear causes vertigo and/or auditory disturbances.

To the afflicted, vertigo — along with related symptoms such as ringing in the ears or hearing one’s own eyes blinking — is vexing, and the sensations are difficult to describe. “Patients can feel isolated and alone,” says Cynthia Ryan, the executive director of the Vestibular Disorders Association, based in Portland.

Vertigo and dizziness are hard to get diagnosed and hard to treat. It is frustrating and there seems to be no clear cut treatments that work for everyone. The man in the WP article who suffers from vertigo can hardly even pursue his hobbies such as duck hunting:

Meanwhile, it’s duck hunting season in Wisconsin. My brother-in-law will go, as he has done most years of his life, but he doesn’t expect to bring home a bird. The three-dimensional coordination needed to swing a gun and shoot at a moving object exposes his balance deficit to the max.

Doctors never seem to take quality of life issues very seriously. I wish researchers would.

Eugene Volokh asks this question in an article at the Washington Post and gives some examples of civilians that have stopped a mass shooter or shortened the time a mass shooter has to kill:

Backers of laws that let pretty much all law-abiding people carry concealed guns in public places often argue that these laws will sometimes enable people to stop mass shootings. Opponents occasionally ask: If that’s so, what examples can one give of civilians armed with guns stopping such shootings? Sometimes, I hear people asking if even one such example can be found, or saying that they haven’t heard of even one such example….

6. In Colorado Springs, Colo., in 2007, Matthew Murray killed four people at a church. He was then shot several times by Jeanne Assam, a church member, volunteer security guard and former police officer (she had been dismissed by a police department 10 years before, and to my knowledge hadn’t worked as a police officer since). Murray, knocked down and badly wounded, killed himself; it is again not clear whether he would have killed more people had he not been wounded, but my guess is that he would have.

7. In Edinboro, Pa., in 1998, 14-year-old Andrew Wurst shot and killed a teacher at a school dance, and shot and injured several other students. He had just left the dance hall, carrying his gun — possibly to attack more people, though the stories that I’ve seen are unclear — when he was confronted by the dance hall owner James Strand, who lived next door and kept a shotgun at home. It’s not clear whether Wurst was planning to kill others, would have gotten into a gun battle with the police, or would have otherwise killed more people had Strand not stopped him.

8. In Pearl, Miss., in 1997, 16-year-old Luke Woodham stabbed and bludgeoned to death his mother at home, then killed two students and injured seven at his high school. As he was leaving the school, he was stopped by Assistant Principal Joel Myrick, who had gone out to get a handgun from his car. I have seen sources that state that Woodham was on the way to Pearl Junior High School to continue shooting, though I couldn’t find any contemporaneous news articles that so state.

Eugene notes that many people have never heard of examples of civilians stopping mass shootings. I think some people are just playing dumb because they don’t like the idea of people fighting back and it fits their narrative to think nothing can be done in these cases.

However, there is also the fact that the media rarely reports on people fighting back or using a weapon to stop any crime, much less a mass shooting which is rare. I have often noticed that if someone stops a crime with a weapon, it is mentioned briefly in the back of the paper or article or not mentioned at all.

It is no wonder people think it rarely happens. Maybe if people read the Armed Citizen in the NRA magazine, they would have a different idea about one’s ability to stop crime with a gun. Of course, nothing is perfect and weapons are only a tool, but they are often the only means of defending the defenseless.

More from Dr. Helen:

Is Austin Really the “Sugar Daddy Capital” of North America?

Is Texting Important to a Relationship?

October 1st, 2015 - 5:33 am

A reader asks Amy Alkon if she should break up with her boyfriend since he doesn’t think texting is a form of communication:

My boyfriend will text if he’s running late but says texting “isn’t real communication.” He says that if I need to talk, I should call him. I get that anything serious should be discussed via phone. However, we live separately, and sometimes I just want to reach out in a small way with a funny photo or a word or two and get a word or two back. When he doesn’t respond or grudgingly responds a day later, I get more and more hurt and angry and want to break up with him. I know he cares about me. Am I being unreasonable?

Amy has a good response, indicating that the woman is asking for a bit of communication that the boyfriend is not providing and that the reader should let him know that she needs a bit more interaction. Fair enough. However, in the past, we weren’t able to communicate so quickly and people had to be more patient in their love lives. Now, not so much. However, not texting back at all might be an indication of the boyfriend’s lack of interest. Technology lets us know people’s feelings in a whole new way.

Is that good or bad? Both, probably but it seems like technology can ruin relationships or make them more difficult to maneuver with all the unwritten rules that come with it. At the same time, women expect men to text and act in ways that are congruent with how they view communication and that is expecting a lot.

What do you think? Is texting a turn-off? Is it hurtful or helpful to relationships?

Are there really that many Sugar Daddies in Austin? “Probably not”, says the data in an article at CNBC:

SeekingArrangement, a site that facilitates the matching of attractive young “sugar babies” with richer “sugar daddies,” recently released a study claiming that Austin, Texas, is the “sugar daddy capital” of North America.

“All of our women are absolutely gorgeous and looking for a special sugar daddy just like you,” according to the company’s Austin site. “The average sugar baby is a beautiful, ambitious college student, aspiring actress or model, or single mom.”

Supposedly, there are 23 sugar daddies actively seeking sugar babies for every 1,000 adult males in Austin. The Big Crunch finds this figure suspiciously high—and frankly, we would be very surprised if it was accurate given the city’s demographic realities.

There are about 400,000 adult males in the city, according to the latest Census data, so if SeekingArrangement’s numbers are right, there are more than 9,000 sugar daddies living in Austin (a calculation the company confirmed).

Already, that number means that one in every 50 men you see is a sugar daddy, but it becomes even more outlandish if you consider the income necessary to maintain a sugar baby.

Why ‘The View’ Is Bombing

September 25th, 2015 - 7:40 am

Michelle Malkin has an interesting post at Right Wing News on why “The View” is not as popular these days:

You would think that a groundbreaking TV show for women hosted by women would do its best every day to respect and uplift women.

Instead, ABC’s “The View” — originally created by veteran journalist Barbara Walters to represent women “of different backgrounds, different generations and different opinions” — has devolved into an ear-splitting bickerfest of elite divas who scoff and sneer at those who do not enjoy their celebrity privilege or share their left-wing ideological values.

This week, the bratty, catty co-hosts’ targets included the young women who competed for the Miss America title. Michelle Collins, a “comedian” who recently joined the show after establishing herself as a Tinseltown “gossip queen,” savaged Miss Colorado Kelley Johnson. As the other anchors giggled out loud at Johnson’s video clip, Collins mocked the Rocky Mountain beauty not for her looks or her politics, but for a lovely, earnest monologue she performed during the pageant’s talent competition.

Wearing her hospital scrubs, sneakers and a stethoscope, the registered nurse recounted her conversations with a patient named Joe in the early stages of Alzheimer’s disease. When he requested changes in medications and treatments, Johnson explained to him that she couldn’t because she was “just a nurse.”

Michelle makes an important point: “Question: Would these sniveling snobs have attacked Johnson with such callous glee if she had been wearing a Planned Parenthood uniform and holding a manual vacuum aspirator?”

Of course not. Women in the liberal media don’t stand for women, they stand first as leftists and the worst part is, they don’t even realize what a pack of political pawns they are. Or maybe they do and they don’t mind being government hacks. Either way, they are a sad commentary on liberal women today.

Whoopi Goldberg, Rosie O’Donnell Brawl Backstage

Who Is More Annoying? Rosie O’Donnell Vs Whoopi Goldberg

I was watching Fox News at the gym and saw this horrific story about boys being raped in Afghanistan and soldiers being told told to look the other way:

Showcasing the honor of American soldiers in what is otherwise a harrowing report issued by The New York Times, U.S. military members are facing discipline for refusing to obey orders of turning a blind eye to Afghan “allies” who are keeping young boys as sex slaves.

Bacha bazi, translated literally as “boy play,” is considered the norm among Afghan police officers in the region. The practice has even been brazenly carried out on military bases. These “allies,” Afghani militia men organized to fight the Taliban, are armed and set in charge as commanders in villages and remain unfettered in their pursuits. But because bacha bazi is a cultural staple, Marines and other American soldiers “have been instructed not to intervene,” according to the NYT…

Other soldiers have faced similar outcomes. In fact, assisting Quinn in the physical altercation meant to protect the young boy was Sgt. First Class Charles Martland. Because he also ignored orders to look the other way, the Army opened a court case to force his retirement.

Really, if these were girls, would the US government have soldiers turn the other way? And where is Michelle Obama to “bring back our boys?” Or some form of compassion from the White House for these boys being used as sex slaves right before their very noses? It’s disgusting and horrific.

The Big Bloody Book of Violence

September 19th, 2015 - 12:48 pm

Martial artists Lawrence Kane and Kris Wilder have a new book out called The Big Bloody Book of Violence: The Smart Person’s Guide for Surviving Dangerous Times: What Everyone Must Know About Self-Defense and I just received my copy. Given the title, how could anyone resist picking it up and flipping through the chapters to glean some helpful hints? At least those of us interested in the topic of violence. From the description:

We could whine about how we live in dangerous times nowadays, but let’s face it, all throughout history ordinary people have been at risk of violence in one way or another. Abdicating personal responsibility by outsourcing your safety to others might be the easy way out, but it does little to safeguard your welfare. In this book you’ll discover what dangers you face and learn proven strategies to thwart them.
Self-defense is far more than fighting skills; it’s a lifestyle choice, a more enlightened way of looking at and moving through the world. Topics include:

* Making sense of senseless violence
* Riots and crowd safety
* Terrorism
* Domestic violence
* Gangs
* Home invasions
* Conquering impossible odds
* Creating witnesses
* Guns

One of my favorite chapters in the book is titled “Zero Tolerance Pussification.” There are a number of good points made about Zero Tolerance, such as how ridiculous it is to suspend kids for defending themselves: “What message does that send and at what cost?” The authors also point out that Zero Tolerance makes predators more effective: “When safety and security are not seen as our personal responsibility we lose the will to defend ourselves.”

Our whole culture is now one of Zero Tolerance Pussification. Our culture often teaches people that there is no reason to defend themselves and that they should just wait for the police or authorities rather than learning to fight back. It’s a good thing that these guys didn’t listen.

Kris Jenner’s Dilemma

September 16th, 2015 - 11:42 am

i am cait

So I watched the “I Am Cait” season finale the other night as I wanted to see what Kris Jenner had to say to Cait (Bruce) during their first talk in the six months since Bruce Jenner announced he was becoming a woman. Here is what took place (if you care):

Kris and Caitlyn Jenner finally came face to face on Sunday’s I Am Cait, the first time the exes had spoken in “at least six months,” according to the reality star.

“I just felt thrown under the bridge,” Kris said of her ex’s transition. “You were so excited to be going through this exciting time in your life, but I feel like I really was blindsided in a lot of ways. And that really got to me so bad that I couldn’t…I didn’t want to communicate with you and be angry.”

“What would you be angry for?” Caitlyn asked. When Kris was reluctant to explain, Caitlyn pushed her, “because it affects the kids.”

“You’re sensitive and amazing to all these new people in your life,” Kris admitted. “You’re just not so sensitive and amazing to this side of the family that you left behind.”

“I know you said you haven’t gone anywhere and you’re still the same person,” Kris admitted tearfully. “But sometimes they just miss having Bruce around. We all do.”

Both women clearly still have some resentment issues to work out — Caitlyn over Kris’ radio silence in the month following her announcement, and Kris for comments that Caitlyn made in her Vanity Fair expose. However, by the end of their conversation, things were looking up.

“I’m really happy for you, I really am,” Kris told Caitlyn. “Because I want you to be happy.”

Really, Kris is now happy for Caitlyn and didn’t want to talk to her when she was angry? Why wasn’t she that considerate when Caitlyn was Bruce? Even Caitlyn mentions what crap she was treated like in their marriage when he (she) was just Bruce for years. If you doubt me, take a look at the past episodes of “Keeping Up with the Kardashians” where Bruce’s opinions were ignored; he pretty much lived in the garage and anger was thrown his way with abandon by the family and Kris in particular. Sound familiar? This is the way many men are treated by families every day, and no one gives a crap. After all, they’re just men and probably have no feelings.

Now that Bruce has come out as a woman, his feelings are treated with care, and everyone, including Kris, is walking on eggshells. Why? It is socially unacceptable to trash talk women, particularly transgender women. Kris must feel angry inside, but can’t really express it. She has to pretend to be happy for Cait. To profess otherwise makes her into the bad guy. Now, if Cait were a man, she could talk with abandon and her anger would be justified. But she has been one-upped by Caitlyn. Maybe more men should transition to women as an act of self-defense as misandry spreads. Bruce joined the winning team and really, who can blame him?


image via eonline.com