The Pond Moment Heard ’Round the World
It's a simple story. A 13-year-old boy kept spraying his mother with a water gun, continuing after she told him to stop. After a few minutes, she finally reached her breaking point, grabbing her son and tossing him into a nearby pond..
Her story was shared by the Wall Street Journal (paywall), making a splash. Ironically, she didn't discover a new parenting technique; she instead channeled how parents used to discipline their children:
Growing up, you may recognize her three-step process:
- She warns.
- The son tests her.
- The son finds out.
This formula, in a nutshell, is FAFO parenting, which means choices have consequences. If you keep ignoring warnings, you learn something the hard way.
Being old-school, the more I read about FAFO parenting, the more I rolled my eyes because the concept was something that followed me throughout my life. However, I underestimated the FAFO movement in different circles, humbling me.
Now, the FO stage is everywhere: on Reddit threads, parenting blogs, and TikToks that go viral. Parents are sharing stories, strategies, and quietly admitting they're tired of "validating feelings" while their kids run roughshod over every line in their house.
So, what is FAFO Parenting?
It's finally a cultural comeback for common sense.
Full Disclosure
I was "taught" those lessons many times when I was young. What stuck with me was simple: life's best lesson is learning the consequences of touching a hot stove. I FO when I FA'd: I was smart enough to never make the same mistake twice. I'm not saying what happened to me was right, but I learned the idea of right and wrong.
Although most of the following may seem like common sense to some of you, it will be enlightening for others.
Gentle Parenting Had Its Moment
The idea of gentle parenting wasn't developed by a lunatic. It started with a decent idea: Stop screaming and hitting your kids, and connect, don't correct. Empathy, emotional intelligence, and open communication were the new discipline tools for parents, which many subscribed to.
Unfortunately, like most human efforts, it morphed into something else.
Out of nowhere, children's emotional meltdowns needed to be co-regulated; where bad decisions needed a twenty-minute group discussion, even as dinners went cold and infants started screaming.
Parents were repeatedly lectured that setting consequences might damage their child's self-esteem or attachment. They were told the proper way to discipline their child is to act calmly and avoid theatrics. After a while, this began to feel like something that you had to apologize for.
What about the kids?
They acted like water, becoming the shape of different containers, and learned that rules weren't the same for every situation and were not set in stone. Kids learned that feelings came first, and the follow-through didn't matter: Parents wore down as if they stood in a customer service line for hours.
The results didn't speak for themselves exactly.
What FAFO Really Means
A great analogy of FO comes from the fundamental physics theory: every action has an equal and opposite reaction. FAFO isn't about being mean; it's about learning the concept of consequence.
The primary lessons for parents show they're done:
- Negotiating with a six-year-old to avoid a labor strike
- Explaining to a teen why swearing at his mother results in having his phone taken away.
- Pretending that ignoring consequences builds character.
What FAFO represents is the return of the concept of the line not being crossed. If it is, then something happens.
That's it.
FAFO doesn’t kill empathy; it just stops enabling nonsense.
It's because of this return of common sense that parents started to lean in. Not because parents want to act harshly; they want peace.
It’s Not Political, But It Feels Familiar
I think it's important to get this out in the open. Donald Trump wasn't the inventor of FAFO. But you'd be lying to yourself if you didn't recognize the overlap.
FAFO, as a parenting trend, isn't tied to policy, but it thrives in the same petri dish from which Trump's strength grew. For the first time in years, people expressed they were sick of being told how wrong they were for wanting standards; they called out institutions that let criminals out without bail, yet at the same time, they suspended seven-year-old children because they drew fingers in the shape of a gun.
Our President governs in an attitude of, "don't start none, won't get none." Call that what you want. Blunt, brash, and over the top, but it's transparent and predictable that if you cross a line, you'll face the consequences. Which, by the way, are the same concepts parents are channeling in FAFO households.
Parents are not trying to control everything; they are reclaiming the right to say, "I warned you!" and know that warning means something.
The Critics Are Loud, But the Outcomes Speak Louder
Now, it's time for parenting "experts" to enter the room. Some psychologists are ringing the alarm that FAFO-style parenting risks shaming kids and creating damaging emotional bonds. If you're reckless or reactive, you risk causing more harm than good.
But if you believe most media-generated concerns, you would believe FO parents are screaming and smacking their kids around.
Surprise! The opposite is true; parents are staying calm, saying less, and letting the situation unfold.
The lesson from the hot stove still rings true: That stove burn is the better teacher compared to any speech..
The underlying truth is quite simple: Gentle parenting often taught kids that consequences were optional. Yet, FAFO doesn't remove love; it simply creates boundaries, creating a natural situation to run its course.
Why Now?
The soft systems failed, and parents are stepping up. Essentially, they're saying that “If no one else is going to draw the line, we will.”
No more store tantrums, public backtalk, or manipulative whining that used to be effective.
Not anymore.
Parents need to know this: Kids don't need buddies; they need parents who stand tall, hold fast, and teach them that life isn't about what you feel, it's about what you do.
Final Thoughts
FAFO parenting has always been a no-brainer for me as a parent. Because of the way I was disciplined when I tried FA'ing, this whole piece feels redundant. But I was amazed to discover that my no-brainer thinking is a new movement for many parents.
FAFO parenting isn't cruel actions dressed up as character-building: It's the return of parental backbone. Parents have slowly realized they're not their children's emotional ATMs or on-call therapists; they're the first line of education for their children, teachers of real-world lessons. Things won't run smoothly. Honest mistakes will be made, but these changes are real.
Sometimes, change looks like a soggy 13-year-old climbing out of a pond, soaking wet and humbled, finally realizing that when mom says "enough!" she means it.
For those of us who have always known the lessons of FAFO, this isn't new. But for the rest, reintroducing common sense was like running a cold shower early in the morning, shocking them back to the reality they had forgotten.
It's taken a long time, but many people are ready to find their way back.
The future of our children and country demands it.
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