Totally Megan McKane: My Review of Known and Unknown

Editor’s Note: This post by Totally Megan McKane was originally published on Tuesday, March 22nd at RedState.Com. After legal pressure, Red State removed this and another Totally Megan McKane post.  On Monday PJLifestyle published Totally Megan McKane’s response and her lawyer’s reply. Tomorrow we’ll republish the second Totally Megan McKane commentary, which originally provoked the legal intimidation.

I know that you all have been, as my loyal fans and readers are, desperately eager to hear my thoughts and book review, on Donald Rumsfeld’s seemingly book of the month, as he is everywhere and on television promoting it, which has been titled, appropriately or inappropriately, Known and Unknown, probably because the intended, message to be conveyed is that he knows a lot of things. But one thing, that Mr. Rumsfeld does not know how to do, the writing of a book which is to the all important, young people’s vote, a book that they would like.

Allow me if you would, to explain a few things to Mr. Rumsfeld, about what you should do if you want to writing a critically acclaimed book that will reach the lofty stratosphere occupied by books that have reached all the way to #1732 on, like a certain book written by a certain Presidential candidate’s daughter who totally singlehandedly delivered the youth vote to John McCain in 2008 (free hint – I’m talking about my book!!!).

In the first point, Known and Unknown is, to belaboring a point, very long. It is much, much longer than the youth of today will be willing to take in their hands and read. It is almost as long as this review of my book (have I mentioned that I wrote a book? I say this so, that you will know that I am an authority on this subject and, not so that you will think I am bragging because bragging is not what I am about. Like my education at Colombia, I hardly ever mention that I went to, a prestigious college, like Colombia, because I am sure that the fact that I am the product o f a very expensive education shines through in my writing so, there is no, need to constantly point it out). I have no idea whether that review was a good one or bad one. Why? Because I am young and like other, people who are young (and who party and drink and dare to use the word “sex” in a book title) I have better things to do with, my time than.. where was I going with that again? That is not the important thing which is important. The important thing is this, that Known and Unknown is very long.

I am pretty sure I read somewhere that the people who wrote the book were bragging that if you bought, the eBook, you could click on the footnotes and they would actually take you to the supposed “original source documents.” Firstly of all, I am a young person and therefore I applause Mr. Rumsfeld for making the effort to reach out to young people with an eBook. However, when, I tried the footnotes thing I found, that it only made the book EVEN LONGER. This is not the kind of forward-driving thinking that will lead the Republicans party back to victory. MY book contained absolutely no footnotes or citations to anything at all, and the young people, were loving it.

One another thing I really didn’t like about it, Known and Unknown, was that there were not enough, you know, commas, to make it sound in my head like, the way that it sounds when you talk it? So that was a negative mark on the book in that regard, specifically. Also, I noticed that there was very little in the book about tattoos or having boobs. And I would know, I have tattoos and boobs, much to the unlike of old republicans like Rumsfeld or Cheney or Ezra Klein. Which is why it’s probably not talked about much in this book. Because it’s by one of those three. Also, what is up with the title? It is very confusing. How did Rumsfeld put things in the book that he didn’t know?

I mean, the book has some pictures, which I having to say, is not really a good thing. First of all, they are black and white? Does Rumsfeld know that people like to look at color now? And B), the clothes people are wearing are horrible. No self-respecting young person, of which I am, one, would let themselves be photographed wearing the boots in photograph 62 – hello? The young people wear UGGS, Mr. Rumsfeld. I am sure if you, look hard enough, you can find some desert combat boots made by a respectable manufacturer that, also would have been being fashionable instead of embarrassing. And, in all the pictures from before, like, 1980, everyone is wearing glasses. Hello, people, contacts are almost always the right choice.

It is also to say, I should add, that the book spends a lot of time talking about things that happened, like before I was even born. I mean, okay, why spend a lot of time talking about when you met someone named “Elvis,” or when you worked in the White House with a “Gerald Ford”? First of all, we are all on to your game and know there was no such President as Gerald Ford otherwise I, as a person who has written a book about politics,Dirty, Sexy Politics to be exact, would have heard of him by now. Secondly, do you really expect, us to believe that you actually met “Elvis,” in, like the 60s? I met Elvis myself when I was in Las Vegas and he was taking pictures with people outside of a casino and he couldn’t have been more than 25 years old. But Donald Rumsfeld wouldn’t know that because as a person who doesn’t have tattoos or breasts Las Vegas isn’t exactly his kind of town, more like the kind of town for people who have tattoos or piercings or gay.

Which, is bringing me to the first point I have about Known and Unknown. Rumsfeld constantly tries to impress us with, notes and memos that he took and calendar entries, such that we are to be impressed. Young people however know that these days there is much more to bringing people in to the Republican party than notes and memos and, facts. For instance, Rumsfeld likes to brag that Bob Woodward was wrong about when Bush asked him to, draw, up a battle plan for Iraq, and he has, in the past, supposedly “proven” that he, was right by putting up a memo on facebook from the occasion. However, what is more important to the people of my generation is, that Bob Woodward was played by Robert Redford, whereas Donald Rumsfeld was portrayed by that creepy Jon Voigt in Transformers(PS to Mr. Rumsfeld, almost everything in that movie was more exciting than your book, why not at least TRY to reach out to young people by giving us a first-hand recollection of that?? Plus Megan Fox is at least possibly gay). Who would you trust, Robert Redford or Jon Voigt, exactly as I thought, Robert Redford has a much more trustful face.

Rumsfeld also likes to brag that he was in favor of the Civil Rights Act of 1964, which I found, to me, to be somewhat hypocritical. Sure I suppose it is good that black people get to go to, any school, they want and not have to eat in separate lunch lines or have fire hoses turned on them for marching peacefully, and I guess supposedly some people in Congress were threatened by the KKK back then for supporting civil rights but does Donald Rumsfeld even KNOW that a bunch of H8ERS!! in California said gays couldn’t marry other gays of the same sex?? Where was Mr. Rumsfeld on that? He, was not bravely being photographed with duct tape over his mouth (not that I like to brag about how brave I am, even though pulling the duct tape off hurt for, like, hours, and left a red mark when I went to Vegas later that night on my face), I will say that much.

Do you know what the fourth thing that bothers me about Known and Unknown is? Rumsfeld gets all snippy with my dad, who is an awesome guy (PS – If the Republican Party, ever got smart and nominated someone like him for President instead of extremstis like Huckabee and Romney we would beat Barack Obama for sure), and Lindsay Graham (who is TOTALLY sweet and NOT a H8ER at ALL) for pissing off the people of Uzbekistan which caused us to lose some base that was I guess sort of important to the war in Afghanistan. To me, the way I am seeing it, Uzbekistan sounds sort of like a creature from that movie with Viggo Mortensen and Liv Tyler, and not one of the good-hearted midgets either, one of the ones with bad teeth and horrible clothes. I am pretty sure, and even confident, even, that we do not have to ally ourselves with those people, or else the terrorists, have won.

In the, conclusion, Known and Unknown is absolutely not, the sort of book you would, want to read f you are a young person, such as would have likely enjoyed my hit book, Sexy, Dirty Politics. If Republicans are ever going to come back to power, they need to have less confusing, long books like this and more books with rich blonde women on, the front.

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