Australian Man's Penis Targeted by Venomous Spider for Second Time

You think your luck is bad?

A 21-year-old Australian tradesman has been bitten by a venomous spider on the penis for a second time.

The man was using a portable toilet on a Sydney building site on Tuesday, when he suffered a repeat of an almost identical incident five months earlier.

Identified only as Jordan, he said he was bitten on “pretty much the same spot” by the spider.

“I think I’m just very unlucky to be honest,” he told Sydney radio station Kiis FM.

“It seems like it got a better shot at it this time,” he said.

“It’s redder, a bit more swollen, it hurts a bit more. I got tetanus and anti-venom yesterday.”

He said some hospital staff remembered him from the previous attendance, when he was bitten by a redback spider, and joked that he was the unluckiest man in Australia.

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Australia really needs to up its porta-potty game. I’ve been in some pretty hideous ones here and have never had to deal with genital-attack spiders.

Never having dealt with any spider/penis wars, I’m just speculating here, but one would think that Jordan might have been a bit more vigilant after the first bite. You know, kind of keep an eye on things (thing?) when in the danger zone. Maybe he thought it was like lightning, and wouldn’t strike twice.

Then again, if it had been lightning and not a spider hitting his penis, a second incident would be the least of his problems. OK, bad example. (I refuse to Google it, I’m sure there’s one of these stories out there.)

The redback spider is a close cousin of the black widow, which obviously would have been a lot more fun for purposes of this story had that been the culprit. I have some journalistic integrity, though, and would never lie about serial spider attacks on a penis.

Best of luck to Jordan in future public, portable restroom adventures, and you’re all very welcome that I didn’t make any “swelling” jokes.

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