Culture

Suck and Cut: George Clooney's Great Hair Secret Revealed!

(Photo by Willy Sanjuan/Invision/AP, File

George Clooney is a hair icon. Those salt-and-pepper locks of his are world-famous, so you would think that he gets fancy haircuts that cost hundreds of dollars in swanky salons. But you would be wrong. The secret to Clooney’s signature look is…the Flowbee, a vacuum attachment that allows him to cut his own hair. He says he’s been using it for twenty-five years!

If you don’t remember this late-night infomercial wonder product, here’s how it works: You attach it to your vacuum cleaner and go to town!

I have a deep connection to the Flowbee. When this thing first came out, my Uncle Rob, who is irresistible to women just like Clooney—maybe there’s a connection— bought one and fell in love. He used to offer “Flowjobs” after dinner. Anyone who visited him was getting a Flowjob whether they wanted one or not. He was obsessed. Most of my childhood memories in his house were of avoiding the Flowbee. It was a scream. I’m sure he still has it. The only mishap he had with it was on my cousin’s bangs. He went too short and she ended up looking like Betty Page. But it was still cute! What’s amazing to me is that the Flowbee hasn’t had a resurgence in popularity since the COVID-19 panic of 2020. This is the perfect quarantine tool and now you know you can look just like George Clooney or Uncle Rob if you get one.

I confirmed with Uncle Rob that he’s still using it. “You literally can cut your hair while eating, drinking, and talking on the phone!” he texted me. My auntie said he looks like he has a faux hawk this morning after giving himself a Flowjob yesterday. “Some people pay big money for that look,” replied Uncle Rob. He’s not wrong. Here he is chilling in his Hawaiian bunker with his thirty-five-year-old Flowbee.

 

I did you the favor of finding out if these things are still for sale and it appears they are! I don’t know why they haven’t done a lockdown marketing campaign but they missed out on a great opportunity. If you want a Flowbee, just go to their website and order one!

Happy Flowbeeing!