Summer is coming and with it, the new trends of the season we all can’t live without. Something tells me that you Pajama Boys out there are going to be squealing with delight to get your hands on one of these. After a long, slogging presidential campaign that ended in bitter disappointment, it’s time to ditch “Her” and do something for yourself.
Try a “RompHim” romper for gender non-binary cross-species wood nymphs. This one is sure to have all the girls (or boys) lining up to share a safe space with you. If only they were sold together with problem glasses and a trendy scarf. Don’t forget your beard wax, because a handlebar mustache would definitely pull this look together.
RompHims are the perfect outfit for strolling around town taking selfies to post on Instagram, walking small dogs, or protesting your local small business for carrying “hate flags.” And don’t forget to bring at least two along for the soon to be rescheduled “Fyre Festival” where all the cool kids will be. I know what you’re thinking, “How do I go to the bathroom?” It’s true that the first wave of RompHims do not have a butt flap. Hipsters everywhere are hoping that customer feedback will make an impact on this design flaw. As comfortable as toddler-inspired wear is for grown men, few want to strip naked in a public toilet to use the facilities.
Twitter has been less enthusiastic about this hot new trend than its creators had hoped.
In the hood, they call this the "JumpHim" #RompHim
— Artist Rafi Perez (@Rafiwashere) May 15, 2017
pull your hair up into a manbun
apply some guyliner
put on your romphim
eat an avocado toast
— trace⁷ (@traceyfanclub) May 15, 2017
Michael Bluth (tired): "What are you wearing, Buster?"
Buster: "It's called a RompHIM, it's for *men* Michael. Adult men." pic.twitter.com/xhDMDUe2zI
— Cracked.com (@cracked) May 15, 2017
— Tyler Coates (@tylercoates) May 15, 2017
But seriously, people! Don’t be so uptight! These RompHims are clearly the wave of the future. Imagine the ease of only having one item of clothing to put on. This could save you at least twelve seconds every morning and you’ll get used to the permanent wedgie in no time. As the founders of the RompHim stated:
We were sitting around drinking beers one evening and got to talking about men’s clothing options out there. Everything was either too corporate….too fratty…too “runway” or too basic. Something was missing.
And clearly, the world was missing this man-romper. Imagine the delight when you and your toddler can wear matching RompHims to the zoo or to the jungle gym. And don’t forget dating. The bar scene will be that much easier with all that skin showing. All women love a little manscaped leg on display. It shows confidence. If you’re still not convinced, BuzzFeed has declared this the best thing to ever happen to “sexy man-thigh,” and if BuzzFeed thinks so, then it must be true. You male-identifying humans out there can finally be complete.
(The makers of the RompHim will not be held responsible for job loss, divorces, break-ups, loss of testosterone, public ridicule, or feelings of shame and despair that may come with the purchase of this item.)