With Halloween a month and a half away, the local stores have been inundated with costumes, candy, and decorations. (There is no way I’m buying my Halloween candy until the last minute because it will be rapidly consumed and I’ll need to buy more for the trick-or-treaters.) If you’re a planner, chances are you’ve already begun thinking about your kids’ costumes for the big day. And if you’re a particularly fun parent, maybe you’ve even given thought to a costume of your own.
But when did Halloween stop being about the kids, and start being about drunken escapades in trashy outfits masquerading as costumes? (Pun intended.) It’s one thing to get a witch’s hat and broom, or some zombie makeup, but it’s a whole other thing to dress as a slutty firefighter. How does that costume even make any sense?
Here are some of the WORST adult costumes that people have come up with. Have you seen (or worn) worse? Let us know!
5. Gross phallic themes
No, Travis, no one wants to go anywhere near your private parts just because you’re wearing a genie costume or some other ridiculous get-up that accentuates your package. You’re creepy now, and I will remember you’re creepy when I see you in the 9 a.m. Monday meeting.
Since Halloween is supposed to be fun, why not stay away from anything political? Why get into an uncomfortable discussion with the father of your kid’s best friend because your costume reveals how different your political opinions are. Plus, unless you’re a dead ringer for whatever politician you choose, chances are you’ll have to respond to the question “who are you?” more than you would have liked. (Or you could just wear a ridiculous sash and call it a day, like in the image above.)
3. Culturally inappropriate
Ok, it’s nearly 2020. Can we all agree that certain costumes are completely off limits, no matter how liberal or conservative you are? Black face (or yellow face or red face or anything but a Smurf face, for that matter) is a big no-no. So is donning a costume of a culture that you have nothing to do with.
2. Weird sexual couples costumes
Oh, we get it. The arrow is pointing to red, and Carl has a red dot right on his crotch, so that’s where you have to grab to play by the rules of Twister. Except, no. No one wants a glimpse into your weird sexual games that you keep behind closed doors the other 364 days of the year. We’re good. How about Sonny and Cher? Jay-Z and Beyoncé? Even Kim and Kanye would be better, honestly.
1. Sexy anything
Come on, people! Halloween is not a free pass to wear slutty clothes. If you want to show skin so badly, just embrace it and do it on a regular night. There is really no need for sexy nurse, sexy garbage collector, sexy accountant, or certainly something as stupid as sexy poop. Do these people even have a thought process before putting these costumes on?!
And our consolation prize goes to a TERRIBLE kid costume idea:
-1. Costume that is TOTALLY inappropriate for a child
Let your kid just enjoy Halloween in his favorite superhero costume. Putting your kids in some outfit that is far beyond their comprehension and maturity just so you and your friends can have a few laughs at their expense is just atrocious. Let kids be kids — especially on this otherwise fun holiday that is for them. They will have plenty of time in just a few years to think up some incredibly inappropriate costumes of their own…