The world has gone completely insane for pumpkin spice, and it’s time to have some kind of intervention. A little pumpkin spice latte here or there isn’t the end of the world, and it’s more than fine to indulge in some pumpkin bread or muffins. But a recent trip to the grocery store opened my eyes to the insanity that has hit the packaged food aisles. It is simply not ok to add artificial pumpkin flavor to anything and everything in order to jump on the autumn bandwagon. Lest we forget that it’s the second week of September?! It’s not even officially fall yet…
Here are some of the WORST offenders in the pumpkin spice world. Talk amongst yourselves.
10. Pumpkin Spice Frosted Flakes
Take the cloyingly sweet flavor of regular Frosted Flakes and add the good old “natural flavor” of pumpkin spice to the mix. My guess is that you’ll want to give up after one bite. You’d better douse it in a lot of milk if you hope to get further than that.
9. Pumpkin Spice Cheerios
With the recent news that Roundup weed killer was found in Cheerios, perhaps this is an attempt to bury that story. We (formerly) looked to Cheerios to be healthy. Now it’s going to turn our insides orange.
8. Special K Pumpkin Spice Crunch
Ok, this is the worst of the cereal offenders for sure. Special K, we were all counting on you to give us a slimmer waistline like your advertisements suggest. How can we trust you now that you’re adding pumpkin spice crunch to your boxes? Ick.
7. Noosa Mates pumpkin spice yogurt
It sort of (sort of) makes sense to add pumpkin seeds to the little granola cluster that you dump into the cup, but pumpkin yogurt? Nope.
6. Pumpkin Spice Egg Nog
Here I have to draw the line. We’re CONFLATING HOLIDAYS, people!! Egg nog is for CHRISTMAS. Pumpkin spice is for HALLOWEEN. Why are we confusing the two? Are you really going to have an autumn-themed party and whip out a container of pumpkin spice egg nog to add to your guests’ brandy? No. You’re going to stick to the apple cider cocktails and pumpkin ales like a good host.
5. Pumpkin Spice Oreos
We get it — Nabisco does a bunch of different flavored Oreos all the time. But original Oreos are just so good that it’s a giant shame to ruin such perfection.
4. Pumpkin Spice Candy Corn
Can we all be real for a moment please? No one eats candy corn. No one. They taste like wax. And now we’re expected to eat pumpkin spice-flavored wax? Is that some sort of improvement?
3. Pumpkin Spice Mallows
Let’s explore the ways in which we normally use marshmallows: for s’mores, and for Rice Krispies treats. Please keep your pumpkin spice out of my two favorite marshmallow desserts. Thank you.
2. Pumpkin Pie Spice Pringles
For the love of all that is good in the world, can we PLEASE STOP?! The tagline for Pringles is that once you pop, you can’t stop. I call BS on that for this particular product. Once you pop, you’re going to be closing it back up ASAP.
1. Pumpkin Spice Latte for cats and dogs
Your pet has NO IDEA what season it is. He or she simply wants a belly rub, some canned meat, and a warm place to snuggle. I give up.