Culture

Is Santa Canadian? Future Prime Minister Isn't Sure, Doesn't Care

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Every year, Canadian kids write letters to Santa, and he writes back — with a little help from his trusty “elves” at Canada Post.

You just have to address your letter to “Santa Claus, North Pole, Canada,” along with the postal code “H0H 0H0.”

Cute, right? It’s a little thing, but it speaks to the fact that Canada considers the North Pole and its environs part of its sovereign territory.

We’ve been printing our maps that way for over a century, even before anyone realized that this godforsaken region boasted trillions of dollars worth of natural resources.

Not surprisingly, not everyone agrees on who owns what, so the matter’s been turned over to the UN. That means the matter won’t be resolved for years, if ever.

Asked what he thought about the issue, Liberal Party leader (and presumed future Canadian prime minister) Justin Trudeau shrugged that he’d leave it for “scientists” and “experts” to decide, and added that he didn’t want to turn it into a tawdry “political” matter.

Wow, what inspiring leadership! And hey, what could be less “political” than… the borders of your own country?

Shipping lanes? Defensive military outposts? Oil and gas revenues? Whatever!

And never mind international law or history or even folklore. “Science” is the only guide you need to everything! It’s never wrong!

It’s easy to imagine Justin’s dad, for all his many faults, answering the question very differently when he was prime minister:

“We own the North Pole! Hell, we own the moon, too! [Insert French swear words.]”

To date, Justin Trudeau’s biggest accomplishment has been to make millions of Canadians actually miss his widely loathed father. Mostly, Justin’s a world-class bumbler, utterly out of his depth. I call him “Little Lord Fault-leroy.”

Alas, millions more champion “Trudeau, Jr.” as the perfect man to lead the nation.

That means that when you Americans are finally ridding yourselves of Barack Obama, your neighbors to the north will likely be led by his ideological comrade.

So if you guys feel like invading Santa’s workshop, that would be the best time to do it.