The Soul Mate Myth: There is No One


Rollo Tomassi’s new book The Rational Male is very detailed with tiny print making it hard to read more than a chapter at a time. He really needs an index but that said, the information he lays out is informative and necessary for men to know as they enter the dating world or even if they have been in it for years. I was reading over Chapter I on “The Soul Mate Myth” and his thoughts on society’s obsession with it make sense. He defines ONEitis as:


“An unhealthy romantic obsession with a single person. Usually accompanied by unreciprocated affection and completely unrealistic idealization of the said person.”

Tomassi writes about how ONEitis can paralyze you and even lead to depression or suicide (thanks to commenter rayc2 for pointing out this link). If we believe that there is only one person out there for us, then it makes sense that to lose that person is upsetting to some and can be devastating to others, especially to a someone with emotional problems such as depression or a personality disorder. It is important to have some perspective. As Tomassi states:

“The definition of Power is not financial success, status or influence over others, but the degree to which we have control over our own lives. Subscribing to the soul-mate mythology necessitates that we recognize powerlessness in this arena of our lives.”

Not bad advice.


Shutterstock / Bruce Rolff

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