Worried about the state of our country? Think we’re headed in the wrong direction? Never fear! Oscar-winning actress Jennifer Lawrence is taking a year off from acting so she can “fix our democracy.” Phew! I was really worried about our democracy for a second there, but now I can relax knowing that Jennifer Lawrence is on the job.
The actress, whose latest movie, Red Sparrow, comes out March 1, says she’ll be working with an organization called Represent.Us to help combat “anti-corruption and stuff.” (See, we’re going to be totally fine.) She hopes to “get young people engaged politically on a local level” and after that, she says, “I don’t know what I’m doing next.”
Okay, sure, Lawrence’s plan seems a little vague, but I’m sure she’ll rise to the challenge. I mean, she’s got all the qualifications of a totally democracy-fixing person or whatever.
Who better to “fix” our country than Katniss Everdeen? Since, as Lawrence herself proclaimed, a Trump presidency is “the end of the world,” having someone around who knows how to survive in a post-apocalyptic society is a real asset to America. She’ll fit right in with the #Resistance. I’m sure she won’t mind trading in her Mockingjay pin for a pink vagina hat.
Worried that feminism has gone off track? Think we need to get back to the principals Betty Friedan laid out in The Feminine Mystique? That’s easy! Jennifer Lawrence played Mystique in the X-Men movies. She’s the perfect girl for the job!
And, if that’s not enough, she can just murder all the people she disagrees with, take their shape, and do things that she does agree with. It’s possible her inarticulateness will tip people off to the charade but, in the age of Donald Trump, she’ll probably just fit right in.
She’ll totally be able to fix the environment. Remember, she played Mother in the completely incomprehensible film Mother! which, according to Lawrence, was about “the rape and torment of Mother Earth.” (The movie’s title had an exclamation point in it, so you know it’s serious.) Lawrence played Mother Earth so she must be onto something when she said that the hurricanes in Texas and Florida last year were an example of “Mother Nature’s rage and wrath” over our current political situation. But don’t worry, since she’s Mother Earth, she’ll just save herself.
I’m sure Lawrence’s latest role as Russian operative Dominika Egorova in Red Sparrow will prove useful. We’ll definitely need to have ties to Russia when Lawrence’s democratic “fix” ends up looking a lot like communism. Don’t worry, she’s combat trained. (That’s not relevant, it’s just, like, really cool, dude.)
So, you see, America, we’re in good hands. And, while a year might not seem long enough to totally “fix” our democracy, it’s certainly long enough to do nothing at all. Which is the most likely outcome of Lawrence’s acting hiatus.
In the meantime, we’ll have to watch movies with other, less politically-oriented, actresses who lack Lawrence’s acknowledged skills for democracy fixing. It’s too bad, since Jennifer Lawrence is actually kind of a good actress. But, of course, democracy fixing comes first. And I’m sure once she’s fixed the democracy and we all live in a utopian society where everyone believes in “stuff” and no one believes in that other “stuff” we’ll all finally be happy.
Godspeed, Jennifer Lawrence. And good luck. Be sure to let us know when the democracy is fixed. We peons probably won’t be able to tell the difference.