Well, folks, you’ve been waiting all year and the day has finally come: Wife Appreciation Day! It seems like those Wife Appreciation Day decorations go up in stores earlier and earlier each year doesn’t it? The little wives decorating the aisles of every department store, wife candy on sale at CVS, wife wrapping paper at the local stationery store. Wait, what’s that? You’ve never heard of Wife Appreciation Day? Well, that’s a relief. Me neither!
But, apparently, Wife Appreciation Day is actually a thing, falling on the third Sunday in September. (Guys, you’ll be happy to learn there is also a Husband Appreciation Day, which falls on every single day of the . . . oh, sorry, which falls on the third Saturday in April.) The idea, I think (though really I just learned about all this a couple minutes ago) is that married men and women who don’t have children don’t feel left out of the whole Mother’s Day/Father’s Day thing and get to have a day all their own.
So, since Wife Appreciation Day turns out to be this Sunday, I thought I’d suggest a few things husbands can do to show their wives they appreciate them. Here goes.
1. Bring her flowers, or chocolate, or a new puppy, or anything you think she might like. Since she’s never heard of Wife Appreciation Day, she’ll feel like you’re finally developing a romantic streak and bringing her gifts for no reason just to show you care.
2. Fix the thing you keep telling her you’re going to fix (but never do). She’ll have no idea why you suddenly decided to do it, but she’ll be very glad you did!
3. Take her out to dinner. Take her to that place she’s always been wanting to go to but that you keep vetoing because it seems too girly. Since all the other husbands will, of course, be doing the same thing this Wife Appreciation Day, you won’t stick out.
4. Watch the TV show she wants to watch. Be sure to explain, though, that this is only because it’s Wife Appreciation Day, not like some new affinity you’ve developed for Friends reruns. When she asks, “What’s Wife Appreciation Day?” just shush her and tell her she’s missing the best part.
5. Cook her a romantic meal at home without once asking her where you keep things in the kitchen that have been in the same place for fifteen years. Don’t forget to do the dishes when you’re all done.
6. Talk about your feelings, and listen to her talk about hers. Appreciating your wife isn’t just about doing things for her. It’s about listening to her too. Sure, you may have learned to tune her out every time she starts a sentence with, “I just feel like . . .” but break that rule, just for today. And, if you can access your own feelings in that deep, dark place you shove them, tell her about them too.
7. Do the chores. Your wife won’t actually appreciate this because she probably has her own special way of doing things and you’re going to do it all wrong. But she’ll know that she’s supposed to say something like, “Well, it’s the thought that counts,” and that’s probably good enough for a made-up holiday.
8. Wear the thing she’s always trying to get you to wear but that you think looks stupid. Bonus points for not rolling your eyes and making gagging noises every time you pass a mirror. (Sweater vests are all the rage this year!)
9. Take her out for the evening and let her choose the activity. Be a good sport. No muttering under your breath, no wandering off to see if you can find a game playing on a storefront TV, and no tapping out S.O.S. on the wall. But do be sure to explain that this would never be happening but for Wife Appreciation Day, that way you won’t have to come back.
10. Agree to have a baby. Then you guys can just do Mother’s Day and Father’s Day which are actually holidays that people know about.
Happy Wife Appreciation Day, everyone!