Culture

Your Soundtrack to the Post-Paris Climate Accord Trumpocalypse

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As cable news erupted with the news that President Trump was pulling the U.S. out of the Paris climate accord, signaling the “cooking” of the earth and basically the End of the World, I couldn’t help think that this apocalyptic scenario needed a soundtrack.

Here are ten songs that should have been playing in the background as CNN, MSNBC, and Shep Smith let us know that Donald Trump was dooming the Earth to satisfy his nihilistic base.

10. Final Countdown—Europe

As Donald Trump’s 3:00 news conference on the Paris climate agreement approached and cable news worked itself into a tither (yes, including Fox, since it was scheduled during Shep Smith), this song kept running through my head as I saw literal countdowns happening on CNN.

Actually, that was the worst part of the day. I couldn’t get this earworm out of my head.

9. Don’t Go Near the Water—The Beach Boys

Here’s a Beach Boys tune from Surf’s Up (ironically enough) that I bet you forgot about. Sure, it’s about pollution, not global warming, but since CNN actually told us that because of 6/1/2017 Donald Trump was definitely going to cause coastal flooding and island nations would disappear, it doesn’t take much of a mental edit to apply it to today’s apocalypse. Surf’s up, indeed!

8. Blackened—Metallica

Nope, it’s not about the best way to fix chicken, salmon or catfish. But as the media warned us that Donald Trump was about to cook the Earth, this seemed an appropriate accompaniment.

7. Big Yellow Taxi—Joni Mitchell

Everybody’s favorite environmental anthem. The world doesn’t quite end in this one, but it’s a lament for civilization encroaching on nature—and it’s not a bad listen.  It also established a trend of environmentally preachy songs having an island beat. Speaking of which…

6. Apeman—The Kinks

This Kinks tune still probably doesn’t really get you now, but this song in which city slicker Ray Davies is going to make like Tarzan in order to get away from all us polluters is a hilarious example of how environmental hysteria can remove people from their senses.

But in the modern Left, no good deed goes unpunished, either, as some morons found racism in the song…

5. Down to Earth—Peter Gabriel

Peter Gabriel’s closing credits song for Wall-E at least finds hope that after we humans mess up the Earth we will find a way to bring it back.  Though hope was not exactly the order of the day…

4. Nobody’s Fault—Aerosmith

https://youtu.be/jX-yuZFVm34

The worst thing about trying to cram a message into a rock song is that you end up with clumsy lyrics like this:

Man has known and now he’s blown it
Upside-down and hell’s the only sound, we did an awful job
And now they say it’s nobody’s fault

But at least now we know whose exact fault it is… Donald Trump’s!

3. My City Was Gone—The Pretenders

https://youtu.be/wplUBFVsbtw

Of course, the most awesome thing about The Pretenders’ environmental anthem, My City is Gone, is that the opening bass line is universally recognized as the Rush Limbaugh Show theme. This must drive environmental whacko Chrissie Hynde nuts on a daily basis—even more than Donald Trump can manage.

2. It’s the End of the World as We Know It (And I Feel Fine)—REM

Of course, you knew this song was obviously going to be high on the list. I’m probably not the only one humming it while watching the frantic commentary.

1. Bad Moon Rising—Credence Clearwater Revival

Okay, let’s just end with a great song. Not preachy, not specific about the disaster, but just a simple warning to keep your head down—and rock.