Culture

Why Those Classic Movie Monsters Might Be 'Problematic' Today

Tom Cruise is bringing The Mummy back to the big screen. And the classic monster will soon have scary company.

Universal is resurrecting beloved monsters like The Invisible Man, Frankenstein’s Monster, and the Creature from the Black Lagoon for a new series of films. Call it … the Dark Universe.

Only these classic tales may need a nip and tuck for our modern age. After all, the Hollywood directors of yore had never heard terms like “woke” and “self-identify.”

The horror, the horror.

With that in mind, here’s how some classic horror stories might be “problematic” to today’s social justice warriors.

Bride of Frankenstein

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Veteran director Bill Condon (“Dreamgirls”) is tentatively attached to this horror remake. That’s a good start. But he’ll have to do some serious re-tinkering to the story’s blueprint. After all, this is an arranged monster marriage first and foremost. Shouldn’t the Bride choose her partner? And why do we assume the Bride will seek a groom? She may identify as lesbian or one of multiple other genders.

The Invisible Man

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The 1933 film featured a mad doctor using his invisibility to stoke mayhem. Yet the creature’s power has another side. Imagine a teen boy becoming invisible and spying on his lovely neighbors. That twist, or something similar, could be exploited in any new production. And we all know the “male gaze” is a critical part of our maddening patriarchy.

Dracula

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The Dracula tale has been told, and told, and told some more ever since Bela Lugosi rocked that inky black cape. So this new version could spin in any direction.

That said, if the new “Mummy” can make actress Sofia Boutella the villain, why won’t the new Dracula be female, too? Heck, insisting Dracula be played by a male actor is even worse than assuming Bond should be James, not Jane.

And biting women’s necks and having a harem of subservient females? That’s a no-go, too.

The Creature from the Black Lagoon

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This underrated monster made plenty of people shriek in their seats. But a key plot point from the original 1954 film can’t be repeated without an SJW uproar.

Julie Adams’ Kay gets abducted by the creature late in the film, and her fellow researchers (all men) must save her at risk to their own lives. There’s nothing empowering about that story structure. She’d have to fight back, snare the creature single-handedly or otherwise prove just as resilient as her male co-stars.