Culture

Will the Trump Family Performance at the RNC Spawn America's Next Great Variety Show?

Donald Trump has insulted friend and foe alike on the campaign trail:

Crooked Hillary.

Lyin’ Ted.

Little Marco.

Even Chris Christie, the New Jersey governor who hopped aboard the Trump Train early on, has gotten smacked upside the head with some Trumpian insults.

Now, as Trump prepares to assemble a team to sing his praises as he accepts the GOP’s nomination for president, he’s left with fewer choices to stand beside him.

Enter the Trump Bunch.

Yes, we’ve already seen a gaggle of Trumps speaking out on the GOP presumptive nominee’s behalf. Eric Trump crowed that daddy would bring in plenty of Hispanic voters, no matter what people say about his “wall” rhetoric.

Now, with the presidential race heating up, the real estate mogul is leaning on his kin more heavily than ever.

Sons.

Daughters.

Wife Melania Trump.

It’s the Trump Variety Show, according to Vanity Fair. And there’s more than a kernel of truth to that description. Is it much of a stretch to go from a reality TV star to variety show ringmaster?

The Trump family will be joining Daddy at the Republican National Convention later this month. The adult children will tell us why we should vote for a man with no government experience and an ego that eclipses Kanye West’s self-worth.

The Trump campaign already is a reality show writ large. Why not go the full Trump and turn the convention into a variety show? Donny and Marie would be proud.

Just imagine the possibilities:

  • Daughter Ivanka shows off a skill we never knew she possessed. Baton twirling? Opera singing? A ventriloquist act? Roller skating while reading Shakespeare? Surely all that Trump cash — he’s worth billions! — helped pay for some super cool skill she can show off before the nation.
  • A beauty pageant … with one contestant: Melania Trump could tackle this, hearkening back to her husband’s old ties to the Miss Universe Pageant.
  • A Trump Family Sing-a-Long: What would they cover? “I Love Myself”? “I’m Too Sexy (For This Campaign)”? “You’re So Vain”? The possibilities are endless.
  • A “Who’s on First?” homage featuring Donald Trump and his sons. Only the topic won’t be baseball. Instead, they’ll verbally spar over illegal immigration. “You know it seems to me they give these ‘new’ Americans now-a-days very peculiar names.”
  • An “F Troop” style comedy sketch featuring Donald Trump trying to find Fauxcahontas, a Native American woman who looks suspiciously like Sen. Elizabeth Warren, including those high cheekbones.