Enough with the posturing.
Enough with the secular saints.
Enough with liberals running around and barking “SCIENCE!” like spastic Chihuahuas even though they don’t really understand what the word means.
America needs to get back to work and it’s almost as if a Stereotype god has descended from Mt. Cliché to reaffirm what a lot of people know to be true: conservatives want to return to their jobs and liberals are perfectly OK with sucking off of the government/taxpayer unemployment teat for an undetermined amount of time.
I am going to break from my normal Philosophy of All Things and say this: let the libs stay home, at least for the foreseeable future.
Sure, I’m generalizing a bit here, but this plague has been rather partisan. The desire to reopen things and get back to resurrecting livelihoods has largely broken down along politically partisan lines. It’s fairly safe to proceed with the assumption that it’s conservatives who are willing to see what living and working is like again and liberals who want to huddle in their quarantine basements and share on social media what responsible citizens of Earth they are because they are LITERALLY SAVING LIVES by binge-watching things on Netflix.
During this week’s VIP Gold Live Chat with my managing editor Paula Bolyard and fellow senior columnist Stephen Green, I emphatically stated that I believe we will one day find out that all of the social distancing and lockdown stuff was an unnecessary bunch of crap. If I am proven wrong, I’m proven wrong, but that’s truly where my gut has been taking me for a while.
Sure, we’re going to find out — we sort of already are — that nursing homes should have been shut down but that’s about it.
Here in my hometown of Tucson, I’ve seen both sides playing out. Bars began opening in Arizona on May 11. Sadly, I’ve been to busy to visit some of my favorite hangouts for any day-drinking yet but that’s on the agenda for this weekend.
Most of the places I like near me opened right on time on the 11th. They played by the new rules, removed half their seating so everyone could comply with the useless social distancing stuff, and that was that.
There were a few places, however, that decided to stick with just carry-out and delivery for a while. They all banded together to form some sort of virtue-signaling coalition and issued a public statement via social media where they oh-so gravely went on and on about the safety of their employees and how they just didn’t think it was the right time to reopen. The barfworthy message ended with assurances that they would be back when it was safe to do so, but there was no explanation of what that meant.
Also plus “SCIENCE!” or something.
The preening message was off-putting enough, but the responses were even worse. I live in the most liberal part of of the most liberal city in Arizona. Most of these establishments were near the Kruiserhood. People were fawning over these businesses as if they’d just cured the damn plague. There was a lot of commending them for “doing the right thing” and “putting safety first” and “blah, blah, freakin’ blah” nonsense.
And more “SCIENCE!”
The establishments in the Holier Than Thou coalition won’t be seeing any of my money for a very long time, if ever. It’s too bad too, because I really like some of them. Heck, my cousin works at one of the places and it’s a fave of mine.
And I’d really like to meet some of the “doing the right thing” commenters one day so I can tell them how stupid they are to their faces.
Back to the jobs.
Having conservatives cheerfully head back to work while liberals stay home, make excuses, and tweet about their social piety would be a perfect snapshot of America for those undecided voters to see heading into November.
“Who really cares more about jobs? The people doing them or the people talking about them?”
Something along those lines. Give me a week and I’ll come up with a slew of them.
The contrast between one group of Americans out working hard and enjoying life and the other being reduced to being shrieking keyboard warriors would also be helpful when making an election pitch for competing vision of America.
I won’t call them Karens because my sister is named Karen and she’s not an asshole. It’s important to defend family. But I would love to see those people stay home longer and become even more miserable.
Ugly, miserable people belong behind masks. Let them have this one.
PJ Media Senior Columnist and Associate Editor Stephen Kruiser is the author of “Don’t Let the Hippies Shower” and “Straight Outta Feelings: Political Zen in the Age of Outrage,” both of which address serious subjects in a humorous way. Monday through Friday he edits PJ Media’s “Morning Briefing.” His columns appear every Tuesday and Friday.