Columns

Stop Calling Them Liberals and Call Them What They Really Are

AP Photo/Paul Sancya

We’re So Pretty

Do you have an American flag in your yard and a crucifix around your neck? Does Big Tech want you silent? Is Big Brother sick of your “seditious” independent thoughts? Do corporations want you to bend a knee to their pinko causes? If you said yes, you’re a conservative and a modern day rebel. You are punk. You’re a rock star. Watch your back.

Hello Daddy, Hello Mom

Today’s liberals are the crushingly dull nowhere men and women of the 21st century. They exude Lawrence Welk while we are Led Zeppelin—angry, dirty and looking to smash the establishment. The left obediently plays by the rules yet pretends they are edgy rockers, while we know the almighty LGBT sob-squad would consider “God Save the Queen” homophobic and attempt to burn the download.

Sheena Is a Pinko Soccer Mom

Once upon a time a t-shirt that read “All Lives Matter” made you woke AF. Now it gets you labeled a racist and fired. Your kids might get kicked out of their school. Welcome to the new American liberal mindset.

I can’t figure out why these people are called liberals anymore. When in the history of mankind have “liberals” obediently bowed to their status-quo masters? Yesteryear’s liberals had stones, today they have non-binary Ken-doll smoothies. One can argue that liberal hippies ended the Vietnam conflict. Today’s libs go to their Facebook profiles and subserviently update their pronouns because some attention-starved, pink-haired millennial decided it must be done to prove your dedication to the party. The jackboot of political correctness is dripping with a Niagara of “liberal” spittle, and the line to show obeisance and slurp the commie Doc Martens is long—so don’t leave it to use the restroom of your chosen gender. Prove your dedication like a good little dandiprat.

Hippies of the ’60s fought for freedom of speech. Today, their grandkids burn a Starbucks if Ben Shapiro is giving a speech. The difference is that the hippies got walloped by the cops. Today’s left-wing vandals have the all-clear to destroy until their privileged hearts are satiated.

We’re All Stars Now in the Dope Show

A big difference between the left and conservative rock stars like us is that we wouldn’t support a candidate who cheated. We wouldn’t want to see friends of the president arrested and perp-walked because the establishment doesn’t like that Hillary lost. I think Biden is a traitorous, commie turnip but I don’t think Big Tech should ban him. You and I don’t agree with political persecution because we are Americans, like the liberals USED to be.

Kick Out the Jams

Conservatives are today’s rebels without a pause button. Many of us believe the 2020 election was stolen and continue to say something about it. That’s the rock ‘n roll thing to do, it’s the punk thing to do. You can be arrested for being an American with the wrong opinion. Who cares if you didn’t engage in Antifa-like violence, you’re playing for the wrong side. It’s the American thing to do, even though there is a chance the FBI might gut your life, arrest you, and take your electronics because your neighbor said you carried a flag on the Great Lawn on January 6. I regret that I have but one iPhone to give for my country.

They’re All Worthless and Weak

We can’t call them liberals any more. We must call them what they are. But what title is that? I like calling them quos (as in status quos), Ken-dolls, and commies. You probably have a few names as well. Please leave them in the comments section.

Shattered

Today’s America

Mega-threat Roger Stone was bankrupted by big brother for being chummy with President Trump. His house was stormed at 6:06 a.m. Heavily armed frogmen even jumped on the dock in his yard in case the 68 year old made a swim for it. He lost his house paying for lawyers. Now his wife is fighting stage four cancer. If you want to donate, here is the site.

Let’s see if Tucker Carlson’s honesty gets him “true-icided” before Christmas.

They’re Coming to Take Us Away

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