How Not to Ruin Thanksgiving by Talking About Politics

(AP Photo/Amy Sancetta, File)

Once again, the Babylon Bee is spot on with their Thanksgiving article this year.

You know, there have been plenty of things in 2021 that we could be angry or outraged about. The Biden administration alone provides us with daily doses of WTF, SMH, and LOL.

Don’t forget COVID. After all, there are plenty of controversial topics that we can argue about at the Thanksgiving table. At least that’s what the media wants us to do, as Jim Geraghty pointed out on Wednesday:

Gratitude is incompatible with telling somebody else that they’re living their life wrong, and that is what we have in abundance right now.

This year, like other years, we get the annual deluge of “How to talk about politics and the pandemic and get along with your family at Thanksgiving and other holidays” stories. We get, “Here’s how to fact-check your family at the Thanksgiving dinner table” or “Avoiding difficult discussions about race is a luxury we don’t have.”

This year brings a new wrinkle, as Axios informs us that we, “need to appoint a Thanksgiving COVID bouncer.”

We’ve been doing Thanksgivings our whole lives, Axios. I think we can handle it, thank you.

But this year, as many people are getting back to a “normal” Thanksgiving for the first time in two years, it’s time to focus not on what frustrates, annoys, or angers us, but on what we’re grateful for.

If you have to share your Thanksgiving table with a wokester, don’t despair. Your holiday doesn’t have to be ruined by some lefty wet blanket trying to turn the day into a grievance fest.

Recommended: Thanksgiving: The Left Desperately Wants to Cancel the Great American Holiday

Yesterday, A.J. Kaufman shared some tips on what to do if you must debate politics. Now, here are some ideas for how not to ruin Thanksgiving by talking about politics.

If your woke family member(s) start raving about how great Joe Biden is and how awful the GOP is, just reply with something dismissive like, “well, isn’t that something,” or, “pass the mashed potatoes,” and change the subject.

Sports is a great topic for changing the discussion. Imagine how well you can diffuse a political debate by saying, “How cool is it that the Georgia Bulldogs are the number one team in college football?” You can use any other team you want — except maybe the Atlanta Braves, unfortunately.

Now, what do you do if somebody at your Thanksgiving gathering insists on using “proper pronouns”? The answer is simple: eliminate pronoun usage altogether. Use proper names as often as you need to when referring to others. “I,” “me,” and “you” are okay, but if someone tells you their pronouns are “they,” consider calling them “y’all.”

How about the food Gestapo? What do you do with loved ones who rage against your meat consumption? If you can’t change the subject, offer to taste one of their vegan alternatives. Practice your poker face and your acting skills beforehand, and be ready to have a napkin handy to spit that faux turkey meat into. Then tell them you still prefer your real turkey.

Historical revisionist know-it-alls can also ruin your Thanksgiving meal, so be ready. When someone throws out a “fact” about the first Thanksgiving or about America’s “colonialist” past, wow them with a bizarre bit of historical trivia like, “If Ben Franklin had his way, the turkey would be America’s national bird. We could be eating eagles here!” It just might blow their minds enough to shut them up.

And what about discussions of race? That’s another simple fix. Pull up Spotify or Apple Music and drown them out with a rousing rendition of “Ebony and Ivory.” Print lyric sheets in case Millennials and Gen-Z’ers at your table aren’t familiar with the classic Paul McCartney-Stevie Wonder mega-pairing.

You can put an end to political complaining by reminding loved ones that Thanksgiving isn’t the day for grievances — save those for Festivus. If all else fails, just make fun of your woke family and friends until they run from the room crying. That’ll show ’em, and maybe they’ll find a different place to go next year.

Sure, we can laugh about the wokes and their crazy schemes to ruin Thanksgiving every year, but there’s one serious thing you can say that will hopefully end all debates and bring peace: just remind your left-leaning loved ones that life’s too short to spend a holiday debating issues like these and that the whole table should agree to disagree and get along on Thanksgiving day. Let them know that you love them and are thankful for them, even if you disagree with them.

Happy Thanksgiving, PJ Media readers! I’m grateful for you this year.