Today is a little holiday we call Presidents’ Day. I bet few of us take time out of our day to ruminate on the 46 men who have taken the reins of this country. In fact, I’d wager that a lot of people don’t even remember that it’s a holiday until they go out to their mailbox and see that nothing’s in there.
As much as I love the idea of honoring my favorite presidents, it’s time that we acknowledge what today really is: the observation day of George Washington’s birthday. Ok, so his actual birthday is Feb. 22, but we celebrate it on that catch-all day known as Presidents’ Day — or Washington’s Birthday.
“Monday marks the federal holiday officially called Washington’s Birthday, known mostly as Presidents’ Day, a day designated, depending on which state you live in, to honor the first president, the first and third presidents, the first and 16th presidents, or all presidents,” notes Gillian Brocknell at the Washington Post.
You can read plenty of books, essays, and encyclopedia entries about George Washington’s life and accomplishments. He truly was a man of greatness.
But today I want to focus on a not-so-true story about our first president. No, not the one about him chopping down a cherry tree.
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Today, on the eve of George Washington’s 290th birthday, I’d like to introduce you to a history of America’s founding that you’ve probably never heard. We’ll go ahead and put it out there that 1861’s Osanaetoki Bankokubanashi (童絵解万国噺) probably has absolutely no basis in fact, but this Japanese history of the founding of the U.S. is a heck of a lot of fun.
For starters, the book portrays George Washington fighting with a bow and arrow alongside the “Goddess of America.”
A thread of images from a Japanese illustrated history of America from 1861.
Here is George Washington (with bow and arrow) pictured alongside the Goddess of America. 1/ pic.twitter.com/LoF54y54bL
— Nick Kapur (@nick_kapur) November 14, 2018
Later on in the book, we meet George Washington’s wife, Carol. (CAROL?!?!?!)
Now it's the American Revolution. Here is George Washington defending his wife "Carol" from a British official named "Asura" (same characters as the Buddhist deity). 3/ pic.twitter.com/JXD6Cj0xOE
— Nick Kapur (@nick_kapur) November 14, 2018
Here is Washington and his wife "Carol" meeting an extremely youthful Benjamin Franklin, who has an impressive squat. 5/ pic.twitter.com/hBAx12rBRF
— Nick Kapur (@nick_kapur) November 14, 2018
We also meet John Adams, whom the author calls Washington’s “second in command,” and Benjamin Franklin, who has the unbelievable talent of holding a cannon and simultaneously firing it with his bare hands.
Adams enlists the help of an eagle to save his elderly mother from a giant snake.
But anyway, back to Washington.
Washington was such an effective leader that he led the Continental Army to victory from a carriage, which was remarkably pulled by two horses!
Here is Washington leading his army from behind in a carriage. The American flag has no stars, only stripes, and the author seems very impressed that the carriage has not one but TWO horses. 11/ pic.twitter.com/25rCDZ2QLT
— Nick Kapur (@nick_kapur) November 14, 2018
But the best part of Osanaetoki Bankokubanashi has to be the image of Washington fending off the ugliest tiger you’ve ever seen with his bare hands!
And here is George Washington straight-up punching a tiger. 7/ pic.twitter.com/gM1BwRahEa
— Nick Kapur (@nick_kapur) November 14, 2018
Lest you look at this book and think that the Japanese really screwed up our history, Billy Moncure writes at War History Online that Osanaetoki Bankokubanashi wasn’t meant to be entirely serious.
“Nozaki Bunzō, also known by his pen name of Kanagaki Robun, was known for amusing historical fiction,” Moncure notes. “His pen name roughly translates as ‘Scribbler of Foolish Words.’”
“Although the text was supposed to give the reader a general idea of American history and significant figures, much of it is intended to be symbolic of America’s struggle rather than a true history,” he continues.
So if you take time out today to remember our first and greatest president, or maybe tomorrow on Washington’s actual birthday, don’t forget the time that a Japanese author gave the Father of Our Country the most badass treatment imaginable.
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