Actual Headline: 'NYC iPhone owner tricks thief using dating app and gets phone back with subterfuge and hammer'

You can read the story here. The gist: A musician realized he left his phone in a cab, and the guy who found it started sending emails to women using a dating app that was on it. So the musician used a lure to get the guy to bring his phone back, where the musician was waiting with a pair of choices: A $20 bill and a hammer. No word on whether the phrase “Hammer time” was deployed.

The finder chose the $20 bill.

Good choice, obviously. More Americans died from hammer blows than from rifle shots last year.