PJ Media

UFOs Come to Election Year America

The 2008 election year started out with a visit by a UFO on January 8th over the town of Stephenville, Texas, 70 miles southwest of Fort Worth.

Accounts from dozens of people, coming from all walks of life, were remarkably consistent with one another and came before the story hit the local paper. Residents reported a noiseless, low-flying object, about a mile long and half a mile wide, moving slowly and coming to a complete stop, then changing to a vertical configuration, bursting into flames and disappearing. Ten minutes later it reappeared, at which point two military jets were observed pursuing the object, and being easily outpaced.

A week later, Larry King devoted his hour to the Stephenville spacecraft. One guest was Ken Cherry, state director of the Dallas-based Mutual UFO Network, who called the incident the most significant mass sighting since the 1997 “Phoenix Lights”, observed by tens of thousands and described as a “city in the air.”

Everywhere in the news one hears of the increased rash of mass UFO sightings, and every week a news headline reintroduces the possibility of life in outer space.

The world’s attention was captured by a rock formation on Mars that looked like a man casually strolling along the red planet; soon after, a Diane Sawyer segment explored the possibility of life on other planets, and most recently stories about the evidence of water having coursed through Mars have dominated headlines.

A greater openness by the public to the possibility of alien life, whether in our understanding of it or the more likely possibility of other dimensions, comes with a more open attitude from the press toward UFOs, as well as from several governments which are opening up their files on the matter. According to documentary filmmaker James Fox, who made “Out of the Blue: The Definitive Investigation of the UFO Phenomenon,” the evidence is abundant: “…recorded data from radar confirmation, landing case trace evidence, soil sample analysis, plant analysis, and visual confirmation” that would be considered good enough if the field were anything other than UFOs, he says, adding that some of the evidence has come from FAA officials and there have been more than three thousand sightings by pilots over the years.

And yet so far this election year, only Dennis Kucinich broached the issue of UFOs.

What we need in the next American president is a visionary, one who understands why the aliens are coming and has a plan for dealing with them.

Herewith, a hypothesis as to how the visitors from outer space fit into our political landscape, and a plan for working with them.

After determining whether to consider these aliens legal or not, and developing a profile, the first order of business should be to ask the umma whether the Koran mandates that aliens also be converted to Islam. It’s not a purely academic question, given that there already is a guidebook for Muslims in outer space. In the booklet, Malaysia’s state-run Department of Islamic Development says that maintaining Islamic beliefs “is mandatory for Muslims in every situation, time and place…Circumstances on the [International Space Station] which are different from circumstances on Earth are not an obstacle for an astronaut to fulfill a Muslim’s obligations.” The issue came up after Saudi Prince Sultan bin Salman, the first Muslim in space, “had said that although he managed to pray and fast, he was not able to face towards Mecca and could not fully kneel on the ground.” (“Help! Mecca keeps moving–somebody stop that thing!”)

But the question before us now is whether we must alert the umma when spacecraft are sighted, so that by sword or by da’wa, the aliens are converted from whatever heathen religion they do or don’t practice, before heading back and spreading the word of the Prophet. Of course, unlike us here on earth, the aliens have where to run, and the means by which to do it faster than Islam can catch them, so they may manage to avoid our fate.

Which brings us to the likely reason for the increasingly frequent visits by UFOs to earth, coinciding with an increased openness about such things by earthlings as they feel the Islamic noose tightening around them everywhere. Could it be related to the unprecedented turmoil in the world? This may seem like a mundane take, but it may well answer the question, “Why now?”

Let’s be honest. If you were an alien, wouldn’t you be confused by the turn of events on earth? I mean, here they were, waiting in excited anticipation as our society progressed and advanced, moving closer and closer to a point at which communication would finally be permissible (contact made before we’re ready would violate the Primary Directive-“no interference with development of other civilizations”). Then sometime after 2001, the earthlings reversed course, allowing themselves to be moved backward in time by more than a thousand years-after so much progress and forward motion over a millennium.

Just when we were getting so close, the aliens must be thinking, here we go back to the days of amputations and beheadings, stonings and honor killings, child sacrifice, female mutilation, and slavery-all being proliferated to the civilized corners of the earth where, alien rumor had it, Sharia courts are actually being set up in parallel legal systems to those which served as the guardians of civilization for hundreds of years, helping us come as far as we have.

So after the earthlings had come so far and built so much, approximating the advanced civilizations of the aliens more and more with each passing day, the earthlings take a thousand-year step backwards, including all those “progressives” who helped get us here but who are now forsaking their own hard-won battles in defense of those who would unravel it all.

Like many here on earth, the aliens have observed that something is sweeping the planet, and in the wrong direction, as the planet’s leaders look on approvingly, substituting words such as “diversity” and “multi-culturalism” for “takeover”. (Which is surely an affront to the aliens, given that every time we’ve depicted them we didn’t mince words: it was a “takeover” and an “invasion”-despite the alien takeovers of our lore being rather benign compared to what we face from our own kind.)

In movies like Independence Day and all its precursors, we never saw anchor people interviewing the other side to give viewers the alien perspective. Politicians weren’t trying to win the invaders over and asking for our tolerance for the diversity that the aliens brought with them. No one was worried about offending the aliens and their alternate value system, which was unanimously viewed as horrifying. No one ever deluded oneself into thinking that we could live with them, that there was room on this planet for their way of life and ours.

And here we get to the reason that this latest, most significant, mass sighting happened over America. Not just over America, but over its reputedly toughest state, Texas. Like many Americans, I believe that America was supposed to be the apple of god’s eye, the great hope for mankind. This was the intention of our boss, who is also the aliens’ boss (since there is but one god who built all the universe, and made us, and aliens, in his image). America was supposed to lead the fight against the earth’s mass regression, but the aliens heard that instead, America has joined the program, failing miserably in its task to continue being a beacon of light upon the nations–as has its outpost and ally in the earth’s darkest, most sinister corner, Israel.

So the aliens got worried. In disbelief, they’ve been coming to see for themselves what on earth is going on. That the January visit by the alien delegation happened over Texas is related to the fact that god specifically chose his soldier in the White House to come from that state, which he’d thought to be tough and produce tough people who fight for the American Way. Instead, the aliens heard that this great Texan hope for the free world has been taking his shoes off in mosques and making Jews come in through a back door in the pantry at the Annapolis “peace conference” so that Islamic delegations aren’t soiled by using the same entrance.

Indeed, the aliens observe us surrendering everything we’ve built, along with the people who made great contributions to the advancements that placed us so close to finally being eligible for contact from the aliens. What the aliens had to come to see for themselves was whether the foundation is indeed being laid here for another round of Jew extermination. The visitors are coming to confirm rumors that earth is fixing once again to liquidate those who have been disproportionate contributors to the scientific advancement that until now promised to lead, finally, to Contact. The aliens had to see it for themselves, incredulous that these are being traded for bloodthirsty relics, and in disbelief that something so retro could happen in the post-Holocaust era.

Faced with our lack of will to fight back against something the aliens thought they were done hearing about a millennium ago (“jihad”), they are conceivably mobilizing to help us find our feet, and our guts, so that what we are witnessing is an increased number of reconnaissance missions for this task. Which makes their being chased away by the Air Force each time, presumably a protective measure, all the more ironic. For it’s not the unknown that we need protecting from, but the known. I, for one, welcome any assistance the aliens can offer.

That we have no righteous warriors among the nations, and that the spineless leaders of the quickly disintegrating free world know this, goes a long way to explain the top-secret nature of the history of UFOs on earth. It’s very important for governments to keep UFOs as science fiction, because admitting the existence of aliens, not to mention our need of their help, would be an admission that we’re doomed, and we’re doomed because of our leaders’ inactions. It would be exposed that the plan of the free world is in fact to ally itself with the forces of darkness, and that while our leaders fight against “terror” they have no plan or intention to fight against jihad.

Whereas we could handle past threats such as fascism and communism, it appears that today we indeed are in need of some outside help to combat this borderless and religiously camouflaged threat that means to engulf the entire planet (and, apparently, outer space, which may be what has the aliens freaking out the most). Because of the unique complexity of the menace that Planet Earth faces, it’s not unthinkable that god is considering a deus-ex-machina ending, with the machine in this case being quite literally such–a spaceship.

Or perhaps the help will be more limited, coming simply in the form of an airlift of the Jews. You can bet that if I’m caught between a UFO and a UAE, I’m taking the UFO. An anal probe, I can live with; a beheading, not so much. Besides, no alien ever called me a kafir.

Soon after winning the 1992 election, Bill Clinton turned to Justice Dept. appointee Webster Hubbell and said, “Webb, I want to know two things–who killed J.F.K. and are there UFOs?” Although Clinton’s orientation was wrong-believing that UFOs could engender more cooperation among men-his interest in UFOs was a step in the right direction. If there is any visionary among the current slate of candidates, he or she will recognize that we in the free world have more in common with the advanced, and apparently peaceful, aliens than we do with the human forces of darkness here on earth that our leaders are allying us with. Who among the presidential hopefuls will step up and say “Yes, I will listen to what the aliens have to say; I will work with them in the common struggle of the advanced world that we clearly share, against the forces of regression, theocracy and sadism.”

Such a candidate may be earth’s only hope. But if none among the current crop is he (or she), then there’s a spaceship with my name on it.

Julia Gorin is author of the new humor title Clintonisms: The Amusing, Confusing and Suspect Musing of Billary.